Any astronomer can predict
with absolute accuracy
just where every star
in the universe will be at 11:30 tonight.
He can make no such prediction
about his teenage daughter. 4
There are only two things a child will share willingly;
and its mother's age. 5
A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments,
soccer games, romances, best friends,
location of friend's houses,
and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware
of some short people living in the house. 6
* From, "One!The Journey Home", the book by Klaas Tuinman MA, ©2007-17
 - Children Speak-2 ~Various
 ~Anais Nin
 ~Phyllis Diller
 ~James T. Adams
 ~Benjamin Spock
 ~Klaas (Opa)Tuinman
I was just beginning to get the hang of being a dad,
just as my kids grew up and left home . . .
Then I got grandchildren –
and just as I was beginning to get the hang
of being a grandfather, they grew up . . .
Now I have three great-granddaughters
a great-grandson and likely more to come . . .
. . . oh boy . . . 7
"Once upon a time . . ."
"I've already heard that one, grandpa."
from Dawn Cove Abbey
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
Children's View Of The World - more
Children's views of the world, and their insights are often profound . I have
presented a mix of both types here; they have much to teach us - and they
deserve to be heard. ~KT
If all of us acted in unison
as I act individually
there would be no wars and no poverty.
I have made myself
for the fate of every human being
who has come my way. 2
My 3 year old daughter came into the bathroom one day
when I was in there. I said,
"do you mind, could I please have some privacy?"
looked puzzled and said
"I'm sorry, we don't have any of that in this house,
would you like some broccoli instead?"
A thoughtful kid
is one who leaves enough gas in the tank
for you to get to the filling station.
If you cross your eyes
they will get stuck crossed
Ben (4 yrs old) making friends,
whilst carrying a bucket on the beach in Majorca
"Hi, I've got crabs".
~What a pick-up line!~
At the end of her son's first day at school,
his mother asked him how he did.
"Not good, mom.
they want me to come back tomorrow."
We spend the first twelve months
of our children's lives
teaching them to walk and talk
and the next twelve
telling them to sit down and shut up. 3
At the age of eight
I became like my daddy's wife,
not in a sexual way
but in all the other things. –Sally (16)
chocolate milk comes from brown cows
A little girl walks into a pet shop
and asks in the sweetest little lisp,
"Excuthe me, mithter,
do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper bends way down
and puts his hands on his knees
so that he's on her level, and asks,
"Do you want a wittle white wabby
or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby?
Or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby
She in turn, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward, and says in a quiet little voice,
"I don't fink my pyfon weally cares."
After a talk about being ill,
the 5 year old asked,
"Did God say 'oops' after he made germs”?
You cannot lose
what you never had
Mom keeps hitting me, she drinks.
She won’t understand I love her.
A girl at school called Mom a slut and a drunk
and I hit her and broke her nose. -Jillian (15)
It had become a sort of game with my kids
after I’d been away on a business trip,
whether or not they had slept with my wife
because there’d been a bad storm
They always picked me up, and after one trip;
spotting me in the throng of
hundreds of people at the terminal,
my son came running shouting,
"Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"
As I waved back, I said loudly,
"What is the good news?"
"The good news is
that nobody slept with Mommy
while you were away this time!"
Ever notice how a 4-year-old's voice
is louder than 200 adult voices?
The airport became very quiet . . .
A father is someone
who carries pictures
where his money used to be
3 year old, loudly,
during Eucharistic prayers:
"I don't want to sing ‘O Lamb of God’,
I want to sing ‘Horsey Horsey!’"
It’s never too late
to have a second, healed childhood
A little girl asked her mother,
"Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied,
"No, you can't play with the boys,
they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it
for a few moments and asked,
"If I can find a smooth one,
can I play with him?"
My husband is balding and bearded,
and one night while our 3yr old son was sitting
on his lap, he asked,
"Daddy, did your hair slip?"
Chores can be forced child labour . . .
or . . . where everyone pitches in
because everyone helped dirty
the dishes and the clothes etc. . .
and thus creating time to do
more fun things without one person
wearing her/himself out . . .
On the first day of school,
the Kindergarten teacher said,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom,
hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked,
"How will that help?"
"I'm not an oxymoron!" -7 year old
My dad is an alcoholic.
Recently, he has started
hitting me across the face.
He never talks to me, drunk or sober.
I’ve got my GCSE exams coming up . . .
I know that they are all going wrong. –Claire (17)
Fr. Jim was speaking to the children
in front of the sanctuary, as he usually does
when they join us after Sunday School.
He follows it up by speaking to each child individually,
and the children love it; but one particular Sunday,
one little girl was quiet and looked pensive.
Fr. Jim asked, “Don’t you have something to tell me, Sally”?
“Yes”, she said.
“What is it sweetheart”?
"My mummy has hair on her bottom."
. . . it was a different Eucharist . . .
Can you imagine coming across
a tombstone that reads,
“Here lies a quitter”?
People would ask me,
"how can you love another person's child
like your own flesh and blood"?
not happy about returning to school:
"Man oh man,
I'm gonna have a rough week.
Lyssa always tells me what to do
and if I don't do it,
she says she won't marry me."
If you swallow chewing gum,
it will stick your insides together
My sister was preparing my 3 year old niece
for her first day at nursery.
Niece listened attentively
to her careful descriptions of teachers,
classroom, sandpit, etc.
Then she asked thoughtfully,
'Will I be in charge?'
-Tomorrow the world- . . .
I’ve tried to get help several times.
My mum drinks but always says she will stop
when anyone tries to get involved.
Yesterday, mum had gone out early in the morning
and come back in the evening,
drunk and carrying more drink.
She has no control and falls over all the time.
She pees on the settee,
and me and my brother have to clean up after her.
She has fits, too.’
My brother and I live on toast and beans,
because that’s all that there is in the house. -Debbie (13)
My 4 yr old daughter played eye-spy with nan.
She said, “I spy something yellow”.
Nothing yellow in the car.
Nan gives up.
My young grandson called the other day
to wish me Happy Birthday.
He asked me how old I was,
and I told him, "62."
He was quiet for a moment,
and then he asked,
"Did you start at 1?"
Anthony said that he is left to look after his baby brother.
He hasn’t been to school all week.
His parents drink heavily and he is regularly hit.
He said that the baby doesn’t get cared for
if he doesn’t do it.
When I called home one day,
my six year old son answered the phone.
he said, panting a little.
"Hi, Nick. Wow, you sound out of breath."
"No, I have more."
"I'll love you forever", he said
Forever wasn't a long time . . .
A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle
he would take two steps, stop,
and turn to the crowd
(alternating between bride's side and groom's side),
put his hands up like claws,
Step, step, ROAR,
step step, ROAR,
all the way down the aisle.
The crowd was near tears
from laughing so hard
by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however,
was getting more and more distressed
from all the laughing
and was almost crying
by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing,
the child sniffed and said,
"I was being the Ring Bear."
There's a thing the children say . . .
What do the children say?
Will you always love me?
Will you always remember me?
Will you remember me a year from now?
- Yes, I will.
Will you remember me two years from now?
-Yes, I will.
Will you remember me five years from now?
- Yes, I will.
Don’t lose your perspective