Before I got married I had
six theories about bringing up children;
now I have six children and no theories. 3
It is amazing
how quickly the kids learn to drive a car,
yet are unable to understand the lawnmower,
snowblower or vacuum cleaner. 4
A wise schoolteacher sends this note
to all parents on the first day of school:
"If you promise not to believe
everything your child says happens at school,
I'll promise not to believe everything
s/he says happens at home.”
Parents should come with instructions.
If evolution really works,
how come mothers still only have two hands? 5
* From, "One!The Journey Home", the eBook by Klaas Tuinman MA, ©2007-17
 ~Franklin P. Jones
 -Child Speak ~Unknown
 ~John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
 ~Ben Bergor
 ~Ed Dussault
MorningStar Inspirations from
Dawn Cove Abbey
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
Children's View Of The World 1
You can learn many things
how much patience you have,
for instance. 1
An elderly woman and her little grandson,
whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles,
spent the day at the zoo.
Lots of children were waiting in line
to get their cheeks painted
by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.
"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!"
a girl in the line said to the little fella.
Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head.
His grandmother knelt down next to him,
"I love your freckles.
When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles”,
she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek.
"Freckles are beautiful!"
The boy looked up,
said the grandmother.
"Why, just name me one thing that’s prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment,
peered intensely into his grandma’s face,
and softly whispered,
Never tell your mom
her diet is not working
A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys
at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She said out loud,
“I wonder if these turkeys get any bigger?"
A little boy with his mom next to her said,
"No ma'am, they're dead."
Home is a place
where teenagers go
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter
what her own childhood was like.
"We used to skate outside on a pond.
I had a swing made from a tire;
it hung from a tree in our front yard.
We rode our pony.
We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.
At last she said,
"I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
What would children
who are living in a tent,
on the street,
or under a bridge, say?
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mom, guess what?
We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more than a little surprised,
tried to keep her cool.
"How do you make babies?"
replied the little girl
"You just change "y" to "i"
and add "es."
(Why wouldn't an English teacher love that one?)
If you wipe,
your bottom won't be itchy.
A nursery school teacher was delivering
a station wagon full of kids home one day
when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat
of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck"
A third child brought the argument to a close . . .
"They use the dogs",
she said firmly,
"to find the fire hydrant."
‘I remember Christmases . . .
you were always so drunk
you weren't around.
It was difficult'.
~15yr old boy
A little boy got lost at the YMCA
and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted,
the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked,
"What's the matter
--haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?"
When is the last time
you let your inner child
out to play?
A little girl was having dinner
at her girlfriend’s place.
When the food was placed in front of her,
she began to eat right away.
“don’t you pray first, at your house, before you eat”?
her friend’s mom asked.
“No. We don’t need to.
My mom’s a good cook”.
‘I can’t get on with my work at school
because I’m always thinking about
what’s going on at home.
Mom drinks, and Dad left’.
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom
to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.
So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to the bathroom
and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile,
"we better throw this one out too then,
'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
Genius has limits.
I love the outdoors,
and because of my passion for hunting and fishing,
my family eats a considerable amount of wild game.
So much, in fact,
that one evening as I set a platter
of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table,
my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said,
"Boy, it sure would be nice
if pizzas lived in the woods."
When your Dad is mad and asks you,
"Do I look stupid?"
don't answer him -Michael (14)
“Did your dad help you with your math?”
“No ma'am, I got them wrong all by myself.”
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard
and asked his mother,
"Who am I?"
Ready to play the game she said,
"I don't know! Who are you?"
cried the child.
"Mrs. Johnson was right!
She said I was so dirty,
my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
What you are when the one you love
leaves you for a younger, newer model.
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us
stood up and waved.
She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock,
I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat,
That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
Nurture your inner child
I was packing for my business trip
and my three-year-old daughter
was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.
At one point she said,
"Daddy, look at this,"
and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained,
I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers
in my mouth and said,
"Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,"
pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing,
looked up again
and my daughter was standing on the bed
staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
Life was so much easier
when your clothes didn't match
and boys had cooties
Some children's answers to Sunday School questions
Noah's wife was called Joan of Arc.
The fifth commandment is "humour thy father and mother".
Holy acrimony is another name for matrimony.
A Republican is a sinner mentioned in the Bible.
The natives of Macedonia did not believe, so Paul got stoned.
The first commandment was
when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
It is sometimes difficult to hear
what is being said in church because
the agnostics are so terrible.
‘My mum and dad are alcoholics.
I’ve run away a few times
and they always say
they worry about me
but then they beat me.
They spend all the money on drink,
there’s no soap in the house
and all my clothes are too small.
I lost my girl friend
because she said I smell.
Others call me names
and make fun of me.
Teenager with nose ring,
and spiked hair to friend:
“I don't really like dressing like this,
but it keeps my parents
from dragging me
everywhere they go.” 2