As a child, I was terrified of thunder and lightening.
I monitored the clouds as they gathered and darkened,
and I knew it was getting to the time to pull the curtains.
That is something like what I experience today.
A dark cloud has descended,
and I just want to pull the curtains.
Leave me alone;
don't try to talk me out of it.
It is not a question that I have this fear
and this sense of gloom and doom,
but it seems to have me.
I feel hopeless, helpless, and powerless.
This depression can descend out of the bluest sky,
and, even when not present,
I am afraid it may be about to descend,
to blot out the sunshine I am enjoying.
I'm afraid of loneliness.
I'm afraid of those empty hollow hours, when nothing is happening,
and there is no one around but myself to cause things to happen.
I can become frozen into inactivity,
when I just sit with my fears,
and hope they go away.
When they have gone away,
I'm afraid they will return.
I'm afraid of what I might do at such times.
I'm afraid of addiction.
I'm afraid to abdicate control
to some monster
that might get beyond control.
I can become fearful, full of fear.
I feel caught on some sort of merry-go-round,
and I develop a fear
of fear itself.
If it's not present now,
then it's just around the next corner waiting to pounce.
God, no wonder I turn to you now,
and cry out to you.
Quite often, in the past,
I allowed the fear develop into panic
before I called to you.
Today I want to do something entirely different.
I want to come to you with each and every fear I have.
I want to name them,
to acknowledge them,
to share them with you,
and to ask you to take them all away from me.
From early childhood,
I experienced a parent or a loving adult
who would remove something that scared me;
that filled me with fear.
I have many individual fears,
like dogs, darkness,
flying, water, death, etc.,
and, while including all my fears,
whatever they are,
what I pray for now
is the removal of fear itself from my life.
I'm afraid of responsibility,
because that exposes me to failure.
I'm afraid to have to take the blame,
when things go wrong.
I feel more secure within the flock
than to have to assume leadership,
to express initiative.
I'm afraid to stand up and be counted on certain issues,
because that might cause others not to like me.
In today's world, where there is so much debate on controversial issues,
I often remain silent, lest my opinion may prove unpopular,
and I might draw fire from those around me.
I experience how fear can make a coward out of me,
and how such cowardice can make me dishonest.
I have gone along with suggestions with which I disagreed,
because I was afraid to stand up and be counted.
I'm afraid of fear itself.
It can grip me in its control, and make me powerless.
It can destroy a great deal of my potential,
and greatly limit my ability to be effective.
In my earlier days,
I was taught to fear God.
I didn't understand that to be anything different
from the fear
I would have towards evil
had a great deal of fear in it.
I often performed religious duties
out of a fear of neglecting them.
Fear of neglect,
and the results of such neglect,
in the immediate
and in the long-term,
were often my motivating forces.
The rules, regulations,
and laws always generated fear in me.
There was a servility about my actions
that was not very life-giving or inspiring.
I'm afraid of the future.
It stretches like a long dark tunnel up in front of me,
and I don't know what it holds.
It can distract me from living and enjoying the now.
Life seems to just move ahead relentlessly,
with some sort of preconditioned force,
and I experience my own powerlessness to control it.
The aging process continues,
and, with each day,
I continue to experience evidence of that.
I sometimes experience myself as walking into the unknown,
like someone on safari in the midst of a jungle.
I don't know what's going to happen next.
I know that this is certainly
not the way you want me to live my life,
and that is why I turn to you now.
Friends, relatives, associates have died on either side of my age,
and I often wonder how or when my turn will come.
This is one fear that I cannot dwell on,
because it has the potential to cripple the rest of my life.
I often question,
and sometimes fear, entering the unknown at the point of death.
I fear that which I don't know,
or am unable to control.
Yes, indeed, fear is very much part of my life,
and it has the potential to be very destructive.
There are times when I can clearly see
just how crazy and unrealistic my fears can be.
I try to reason with myself,
to work things out logically in my head,
to be as objective as possible.
This works for a while,
but then, as if out of the blue,
that familiar gut-feeling returns,
and, in no time at all,
I'm in knots of fear.
It is as if this fear of fear is lurking just under the surface,
waiting for the right moment.
I can't go on this way.
There has to be something better,
there has to be a better way.
That is why, God,
I'm bringing the whole lot to you,
and dumping the lot at your feet, and asking,
"Please take away my fears.
Please set me free from fear.
and rid the temple of my heart of everything that frightens me,
please remove fear of every kind from my life . . ." 2
How do we inspire love and respect in a world of fear and hate?
May the stars carry your sadness away,
May the flowers fill your heart with beauty,
May hope forever wipe away your tears,
And, above all, may silence make you strong. 3
Deep Peace of the running wave to you.
Deep Peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep Peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep Peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep Peace of the gentle night to you.
Moon and Stars pour their healing light on you.
Deep Peace of the Son of Peace to you.
Deep Peace to you. 4
Peace to you on your journey to loving to yourself
- learn to resonate to a positive wavelength.
"You can’t do what you want 'till you know what you’re doing."
and you can’t know what you’re doing, till you know who you are . . .
Klaas Tuinman M.A.
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, Nova Scotia
I'm Afraid: FEAR - Continued
What I Am Afraid Of - Part 2
I often acted out of fear,
rather than love.
my participation in community
were often motivated
by a sense of obligation,
rather than voluntary
and spontaneous service.
 ~Frank Herbert (Dune)
 –Fear ~Unknown
 ~Chief Dan George
 ~Celtic blessing
If one day you feel like crying . . .
I don't promise that I will make you laugh,
But I can cry with you . . .
Because I am your friend.
Do Not Let Fear Control You
Fear is nothing more than an emotion
or a feeling
that we hold in our mind.
Fear stands for,
Most of the time what we fear,
we have never even experienced!
Always be consciously aware
is the very First Day
of the Rest
of Your Life
Fear is the mind killer; the little death that brings total obliteration;
a jealous gate-keeper that wants you to stay put
in your make-believe prison.
It can't keep you in there, but only it knew that:
now you do, too.
Also see Let Go Of Fear and Set Yourself Free
Fear: The Mind Killer - Part2
To continue to Part 2, Click/Tap Graphic> > > > >
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* Fear: Part 2, From, "One!The Journey Home", the book by Klaas Tuinman MA, ©2007-17