Good communication skills: A better approach
When you realize the difference between good communication skills and the "good for nothing
communication skills", it will be easier for you to become a good communicator.

Since we are born with superb inbuilt tools for communication, we often think we are born with good
communication skills  too - just because we have been doing it all our life!

It is true that from childhood you have been given verbal and non-verbal inexplicit instructions on how
to behave and talk to people.

We have been taught to speak
to people rather than speak with them

For example, while we are talking to others,
how seldom (or frequently) do we stop and ask ourselves
what is it that I am trying to communicate”?

There is no definite goal for many of our conversations.

From the childhood, we are taught that those who can talk faster
are usually sharper than others.
(Good communication skills?)


Assuming that others have
pieces of the answer
Assuming that there is one
right answer – and you have it
Collaborative: attempting
to find common
Combative: attempting to
prove the other side wrong
About finding common
About winning
Listening to understand and
find a basis for agreement
Listening to find flaws and
make counter-arguments
Bringing up your
assumptions for inspection
and discussion
Defending your assumptions
Re-examining all points of
Criticizing the other side's
point of view
Admitting that others'
thinking can improve your
Defending your views against
Searching for strengths and
value in the other position
Searching for weaknesses
and flaws in the other position
Discovering new possibilities
and opportunities
Seeking an outcome that
agrees with your position
We need dialogue, rather than "verbal diarrhea", which is simply another version of more talk,
talk, talk (meaningless sound)

Effective communication is the key to get you to where you want to be in your life.
Communication is an essential skill for successful relationships of all kinds, personal and
other. ‘Man is not an island’ - communication has the power to destroy, or build relationships.

Communication has an impact whenever it occurs - we can use communication to influence every
interaction in a positive way, by developing the skills needed to communicate effectively.

However, in order to do so, it is important to understand the difference
between the two forms of communication outlined above: Dialogue vs Debate

And we have to be clear in our minds on whether we just want to keep thing as they are
- on the surface - with meaningless rambling (time fillers/killers)
- or to really connect at a more significant level
- to truly hear, and be heard.

Often, to be heard, requires that the other party senses that they are being heard (listened to) as
well, before they truly begin to "listen".

When people are engaged in dialogue, listening does happen, and when it happens, or because it
happens, the responses each makes will be significantly different from what they would have said
without dialogue, caring and listening

The ability to connect and build rapport with other people is a foundation life skill,
It is a learned skill which can be learned, re-learned, and used at any age.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way
we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our
communication with others.”
~Anthony Robbins

Children are really affected by communication: they hear our words and experience our     
actions - and often notice a big difference between them.

Klaas Tuinman
Deerfield, NS  2010
Communication and Dialogue: the Basics
Whenever you are expressing a thought to someone,
“what is it that you are trying to convey”?

If you have picture or a sound in mind that you want to convey,
it will be much easier to achieve your goal.
To start practicing good communication skills,
begin using this principle today!

Remember, it is not just the words that do the job;
it's a lot of other “people” things too! ~anon

DIALOGUE: Dialogue is a special kind of discourse employing distinctive skills
to achieve mutual understanding and mutual trust and respect.

Dialogue allows people to connect at a deeper level.
Participants in dialogue report that the experience of dialogue yields specific benefits and results.

Dispels mistrust and creates a climate of good faith
Breaks through negative stereotypes, revealing participants' common humanity
Shifts the focus from transactions to relationships, creating community
Makes participants more sympathetic to one another even when they disagree
Prepares the ground for negotiation or decision-making on emotion-laden issues
Helps bridge subcultures and clarify value conflicts
Expands the number of people committed to the process
Brings out the best rather than the worst in people

To explain dialogue we like to contrast it with debate, a more common form of discourse.
The goal of debate is
winning; the goal of dialogue is learning and understanding, and perhaps
arriving at a
consensus, or some form of agreement.

(Debates are similar to arguments – except arguments want to blame and hurt as well as win.)
Dawn Cove Abbey
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman  © 2007-2017

Questions and comments welcomed.