Good communication skills: A better approach
    When you realize the difference between good communication skills and the "good for nothing
    communication skills", it will be easier for you to become a good communicator.

    Since we are born with superb inbuilt tools for communication, we often think we are born
    with good communication skills  too - just because we have been doing it all our life!

    It is true that from childhood you have been given verbal and non-verbal inexplicit instructions
    on how to behave and talk to people. We have been taught to speak to (at) people rather than
    speak with them - and very little about listening skills.

DIALOGUE IS ABOUT LEARNING:

DEBATE IS ABOUT WINNING:
Assuming that others have
pieces of the answer
Assuming that there is one
right answer – and you have it
Collaborative: attempting
to find common
understanding
Combative: attempting to
prove the other side wrong
About finding common
ground
About winning
Listening to understand and
find a basis for agreement
Listening to find flaws and
make counter-arguments
Bringing up your
assumptions for inspection
and discussion
Defending your assumptions
Re-examining all points of
view
Criticizing the other side's
point of view
Admitting that others'
thinking can improve your
own
Defending your views against
others
Searching for strengths and
value in the other position
Searching for weaknesses
and flaws in the other position
Discovering new possibilities
and opportunities
Seeking an outcome that
agrees with your position
    We need dialogue, rather than "verbal diarrhea", which is simply another version of more
    talk, talk, talk (meaningless sound). Effective communication is the key to get you to where
    you want to be in your life. Communication is an essential skill for successful relationships
    of all kinds, personal and other. ‘huMan is not an island’  communication has the power to
    destroy, or build relationships.

    Communication has an impact whenever it occurs - we can use communication to influence
    every interaction in a positive way, by developing the skills needed to communicate
    effectively. However, in order to do so, it is important to understand the difference between
    the two forms of communication outlined above: Dialogue vs Debate

    And we have to be clear in our minds on whether we just want to keep thing as they are
    - on the surface - with meaningless rambling (time fillers/killers) - or to really connect at
    a more significant level - to truly hear, and be heard.

    Often, to be heard, requires that the other party senses that they are being heard (listened
    to) as well, before they truly begin to "listen". When people are engaged in true dialogue,
    listening begins to happen, and when it happens, or because it happens, the responses each
    makes will be significantly different from what they would have said without dialogue,
    caring and listening.

    The ability to connect and build rapport with other people is a foundational life skill: a
    skill which can be learned, re-learned, and used at any age. “To effectively communicate,
    we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this
    understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” ~Anthony Robbins

    Children are really affected by communication: they hear our words and experience
    our actions - and often notice a big difference between them.

    Klaas Tuinman
    Deerfield, NS  2010 (Rev 2019)
Communication and Dialogue: the Basics
"Smarter" interpersonal communication
    Whenever you are expressing a thought to someone, “what is it that you are trying to convey”?

    If you have picture or a sound in mind that you want to convey, it will be much easier to achieve
    your goal. To start practicing good communication skills, begin using this principle today!
    Remember, it is not just the words that do the job; it's a lot of other “people” things too! ~anon

    DIALOGUE: Dialogue is a special kind of discourse employing distinctive skills to achieve mutual
    understanding and mutual trust and respect.

    Dialogue allows people to connect at a deeper level.
    Participants in dialogue report that the experience of dialogue yields specific benefits and results.

    Dialogue:
    Dispels mistrust and creates a climate of good faith
    Breaks through negative stereotypes, revealing participants' common humanity
    Shifts the focus from transactions to relationships, creating community
    Makes participants more sympathetic to one another even when they disagree
    Prepares the ground for negotiation or decision-making on emotion-laden issues
    Helps bridge subcultures and clarify value conflicts
    Expands the number of people committed to the process
    Brings out the best rather than the worst in people

    To explain dialogue we like to contrast it with debate, a more common form of discourse. The
    goal of debate is winning; the goal of dialogue is learning and understanding, and perhaps
    arriving at a consensus, or some form of agreement.

    (Debates are similar to arguments – except arguments often want to blame, shame, and hurt
    as well as win.)
Dawn Cove Abbey
_______________________________
"Roadside Assistance" For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
_______________________________________________________
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman M.A © 2007-2019

Questions and comments welcomed.
    For example, while we are talking to others, how
    seldom (or frequently) do we stop and ask
    ourselves “what is it that I am trying to
    communicate”?

    There is no definite "goal" for many of our
    conversations.

    From the childhood, we are taught that those who
    can talk faster are usually sharper than others.
    (Good communication skills?) Not!