Reflections on Forgiveness:
                                 Forgiveness - the power that heals!

To forgive others and yourself is an empowering act: an act that is much misunderstood.

  • Forgiveness (a process) towards personal growth and expanding your human potential.
  • Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another.
  • You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by it.
  • Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on  a
    crowded sidewalk.

Where Are You on the Path toward Peace and Healing?

Forgiveness is a healing journey for both body and soul. You usually know in your heart that you want or
need to forgive someone; but by now you also know that the path toward peace can be difficult.

To move forward, it often helps to have an accurate sense of where you are right now.
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Kingston, Ontario, Canada
(1985 – rev:
2010-2017)
Forgiveness - the Ultimate Soul Detoxifier: Power That Heals

Letting Yourself Off The Hook of Toxic Soul Poisoning
"As long as you don't forgive,
who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind."
~Isabelle Holland
Forgiveness . . .   so misunderstood . . .

Forgiveness - is the power that heals: to forgive others and yourself is an empowering act! It requires
that you sort out for yourself what you are really doing – and what you are not doing.
  • Forgiveness is not letting the other person "off"
  • Forgiveness is  letting yourself "off" - to end toxic inner bitterness and ongoing hurt and pain

The Effects Of Not Forgiving is Excessive Inhibition:
  • By hanging onto your hurts, and inhibiting yourself, you produce deadness; numbing whole areas
    of the body; inhibiting breathing,  movement, the flow of energy.

Holding onto hurts brings fixation:
  • stunting growth; creating in you the experience of being blocked off; in a  dream-like state of half
    aliveness.

To help dispel more misconceptions about this, please watch a very special video by  clicking
HERE.
Dawn Cove Abbey
_______________________________
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
_______________________________________________________
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman MA, © 2007-2017

Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario.
Questions and comments welcomed.
Forgiveness, however, is difficult and poses a problem for many people simply because they are not clear   
about what forgiveness really is.

All too often forgiveness gets confused with reconciliation.
Reconciliation is a separate step from forgiveness.
It may be a component of a larger process - but forgiveness is but one part. And at this point we are speaking
only of forgiveness; not reconciliation.

Forgiveness is hard work, very hard, and it is so tempting at times to avoid it;
which is self-defeating. If you
remind yourself that you are doing it for yourself, not the other person, it is easier to do the necessary inner   
work.

Anger, Bitterness and Hatred
Only when you forgive can we remove the hurt and let healing power flow in.
The most common response to being hurt is anger, bitterness and hatred.  

But all that emotion that we carry around inside you
doesn't affect the person you are angry with,                      
or whom you have come to hate.  
  • It only hurts you, even more than the original hurt.
  • It festers and grows, prevents happiness and joy, and will affect your health.
  • That anger, bitterness and hatred have to go, for your own sake.
But only when you have fully confronted (faced) it, and come to understand it: forgive, let go, and then forget –
but remember the lesson.
"Forget" in this sense means to move it from the forefront to the back of your mind, reducing its intensity,and  
into the garbage can of other relatively “less devastating, and no longer really painful, relevant” memories.

Since emotions are powerful aspects of our being, they can trick you into a false sense of security as easily as
working at it, for if you don't, sometimes when you least expect  it, the destructive feelings over some past hurt
you thought you'd forgiven and forgotten, return to start their negative process again.

Anger, bitterness and hate are difficult to eradicate.  You may have to repeat the process several times   
to finally get rid of them; and the deeper the hurt, the longer it may take.  But as you persevere, over time it     
will begin to happen.

One thing that will give you power, is your attitude in this (see
Power Of Attitude)

Let's take a closer look at the process:
(1) who or what is our anger, bitterness and hate directed at; the person
who did it, or the thing they did?
There is a big difference.
(2) Who or what is we're forgiving? The person who did it, or the act/words etc they committed? Here too, there
is an important difference.

                                                           
Act vs Actor
                                                         Hurt vs Hurter

You see, because of the emotional intensity and the soul-pain, we tend to blur these two things together, and it is
this that heightens and increases the difficulty in the forgiving; we don't want to be cruel or mean, yet at the same
time, we have to make the hurt and pain go away. That's why it is important to determine for ourselves, which it
is we want or need to actually deal with:
the person, or the thing that was done.

It may be a person we love(d) or like(d) who had never done something of that nature before, and the incident
was a one-of sort of deal. Or it was a person with a history of being nasty and cruel, but we had "overlooked",
denied and excused it until now.
So the questions is: was it done because they were
(1) a bad, nasty person, perhaps even cruel and evil, or (2) a
decent person
who made a terrible mistake?

Situation 2 is easier to deal with, once we separate the elements out: because depending on our decision, we can
continue to
love the Person, but hate the act - and focus our feelings on that, making it easier to forgive, because
that person is human just like we are, and prone to making the occasional mistake. It is not a crime to be human,
but it is wrong and not acceptable to make devastating mistakes of that nature. Hence, perhaps we can bring
ourselves to forgive it and let it go, and give the person another chance - it will take time to get really   
comfortable again, but over time, that will come - that's the power of forgiveness and the detoxifying step we  
took in this case.

Situation
1 is a different story altogether: for we need to ask ourselves why we excused or over-looked, or   
denied what we actually were "aware of" at the important level of our being; because by doing so we became an
agent of that person and helped bring the horror on.  This is not an easy thing to do, because accepting
responsibility for our part in it is very difficult: in large part, because we're angry at ourselves for doing so.
That means two things: we have to
  • Forgive the other person, and/or their action, or both
  • and Forgive ourselves for our part
There is no easy solution to this one. One option is to forgive the act, AND resolve to change our connection with
that person; or to forgive the person as well as the act, and let them go out of our lives - they had a history of
proving that they were not the kind of companions you needed to surround yourself with.
Maybe by doing so you'll demonstrate to yourself that you are strong, and have courage, and that letting that load
go is better all the way around than carrying it any longer.

I hope this will be of help to you. It still won't be easy. One thing that makes it difficult is th struggle with yourself.

I cannot tell you which decision(s) to make - but can only encourage you to make one that will detoxify your soul,
heart and spirit.
Anyone who has ever been
victimized must decide   
whether or not to forgive the
perpetrator.

There can be no middle  
ground to this decision: either
you decide to forgive the
person who hurt you; or you
hold on to bitterness and anger.

Holding on to bitterness and
anger causes problems of their
own. If you have ever been
victimized, being able to  
forgive your victimizer is a
crucial part of your healing.
Forgiveness, or forgiving someone, is often
seen as weakness.  A long time of
involvement with people has convinced me
that this view is wrong:
it is an act
of courage and strength.

Another thing people tend to forget is that
it is as important to forgive yourself - it is a
way to move on - to learn from the
experience, and then let go of it.

When we forgive, we heal ourselves,
and sometimes others
.  Most important
of all, perhaps, is the fact that sometimes
in order for us to be able to forgive
someone else for their transgression,
we
have to forgive ourselves for our own first.