Trust Issues In Relationships

             Experiencing trust issues in relationships (and friendships)?

Learn how to build trust and fill your relationship with passion, love, honesty and friendship

How To Build Trust in Relationships
By Susie and Otto Collins

How do you build trust in relationships? We've found the secret is constant communication, one
moment at a time. We both came from dead-end relationships from a state of vulnerability but with a
strong desire for a different kind of relationship - a relationship filled with passion, love, honesty,
friendship and most of all, partnership.

Safety and trust are the twin sides of the same coin -both involve risk and both form the foundation of
any great relationship. Safety is the feeling you get when you have trust. Trust means not only learning
to trust others but it's learning to trust yourself -especially if you've been in less than desirable
relationships in the past.

From the beginning, we've practiced honesty and not hiding, no matter how painful the truth is. When
you've been used to "sparing" the other person or not saying something because it might hurt their
feelings or rock the boat, it's very difficult to open up and speak your truth. But we believe this is
absolutely necessary to form a solid foundation of trust between two people.

People often will trust a total stranger before trusting an intimate partner because that total stranger
cannot hurt them like they imagine a partner can.
  • Tony Robbins tells a great story about how we all trust every single day of our lives while driving
    our cars. The fact of the matter is -it takes a great deal of trust to drive down a road at 55 mph
    with another car coming the other way at 55 mph and only one white line separating the two of
    you. The potential for danger is great -you don't know that other person; you don't know if
    they've been drinking; you don't know if they'll stay on their side of the road. That, my friend,
    takes a lot of trust.

The challenge is to exhibit the same amount of trust in our relationships -knowing, believing, trusting
that the other person is acting from their highest good.

Two of the thought patterns that destroy trust in relationships are dwelling on past pain (whether with
this person or others)and futurizing about potential negative events that haven't happened. Every time
your mind starts to make up wild stories that involve abandonment, guilt, jealousy -those old tapes that
just keep running and don't seem to stop -bring yourself back to the present moment and differentiate
the past and the future the present. If you focus on "now" and what you want, you will build trust
between you and your partner.

When we have these negative feelings, we talk about them -not hiding them but being honest. We've
found that when we acknowledge that the source of these feelings originated from past experiences, the
situation is not threatening to the other person and we are able to let those negative thoughts go.

If you place your attention on either worrying about past relationships or question where this
relationship is going in the future, you lose the opportunity to be in the moment for yourself and your
partner. You also lose the opportunity to build the trust that you need between the two of you. If you
are in a relationship that has gone through some challenges, you can't heal the distance and pain
between the two of you by dwelling on the past or fearing the future. You must look at where you are
at the present time.

Build trust one moment at a time -remember what Dan Millman said,
"There are no ordinary moments."

A Dawn Cove Abbey Support Resource: 2006
Dawn Cove Abbey
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman  © 2007-2017

Questions and comments welcomed.