Trust and Trust Issues:
Trust (or lack thereof) - or trust issues come honestly
by the description of "the Relationship Killer".
- The five most difficult things in the world to come up against and overcome
are, doubt, mistrust, disbelief, suspicion and jealousy: Doubt and jealousy
lead to disbelief, mistrust and suspicion. Once those have arrived on the scene
the relationship (or friendship) is in serious trouble, for these things are
among the hardest and most difficult things to overcome.
- That's why trust issues in relationships are widely known as the number one
What is trust? A short description
- Trust is: letting others know your feelings, emotions and reactions, and
having the confidence in them to respect you and to not take advantage of
- Trust is: the glue or cement of relationships that allows you to need others
to fulfill yourself.
- Trust is: opening yourself up (self-disclosure) to let others in on your
background, problems, concerns, and mistakes with the assurance that they
will not ostracize you because of these things.
- Trust is: the act of placing yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on
others to treat you in a fair, open, and honest way.
Trust is one of the most difficult things to build and acquire. And while it may take
some time to break that trust
- if it is broken - it will take much, much longer to rebuild.
Truly, rebuilding trust a second time, after it has been broken is a monumental task
- and takes a long time. This is mainly because in offering trust, we make ourselves
vulnerable - and once the vulnerability has been violated, we "play it much safer"
the second time around.
People don't trust, or have trouble developing trust, if they have:
- Experienced a great deal of emotional and/or physical abuse and/or neglect.
- Been emotionally hurt in the past and are not willing to risk getting hurt in the
All of the above are essential components to Trust, and Building Trust.
|Trust Issues in Relationships: The Relationship Killer
Building Trust: Trust and Trusting
- One of the first steps is to stop always looking for, and assuming there are,
"hidden agendas and motives" on everyone else's part - that simply isn't so.
- That means to stop being suspicious all the time, of everyone - that simply isn't fair -
and makes it difficult, if not impossible for you to learn trust, and others to actually
"see" you as an authentic, fair-minded person.
Starting point for rebuilding trust. Ask yourself:
- Why do I lack trust in the persons, groups, or institutions listed above?
- What beliefs do I hold that are behind my lack of trust in the persons, groups, or
institutions listed in above?
- Why can't I refute my Irrational Belief and replace with a positive one?
- Why can't I affirm new personal beliefs?
- What does my experience tell me about changes I need to make to develop my
ability to trust?
- What are the remaining blocks to developing my sense of trust?
- What am I willing to do to continue developing my sense of trust?
- Revisions, additions and expansion are coming - please come back soon.
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(1985 – rev: 2009/2010)