Why should I help?

Ask "I wonder what they really want?"

Ask, "What's in it for me?"

Controlling

Finds power and peace in externals and things


Must be "lords"

Appears "In control"

Easily overwhelmed

"Love" conditionally (strings attached)

Low capacity for pain

Whiners

Braggarts

There's "always something..." to worry about

"Squeaky Clean"

Leave damage behind them - and try to hide it

Collectors

What's in it for me?

Invest in selves

In need of virtually unlimited
attention and support

Dependent

Time, schedules closely monitored

"Too busy"

Tit-for-tat

Pre-occupied with facade of "gratitude"

Change people's lives to suit their own ends

Committed to self

Undermine

Drain energies

Seek personal comfort

Judgmentally critical

Do for themselves only what others won't do for them

Manipulative

Controlling

Cleverly hidden agenda


Distrust any and all leaders

Help given (grudgingly) until angered

Suspicious, untrusting


Perfectionistic and controlling


Offensive/Attacking

Fear of pain and suffering

Needy talkers

Live by schedules

Share discomfort, fear

Legalistic

Resist spiritual growth

Don't forgive unless they have to (prefer "payback")

Rigid, rule-enforcer

Live, fight and die by "principles" and "rights"

Will stop at nothing to get their way

Focus on conforming others to themselves

Concerned with the urgent

Make others pay the price for their desires, needs,
wants


Impermeable, rigid boundaries

Whiners

Reactive

"Humbly" seek "deserved" attention, affection,    
reward and recognition for efforts

Refuse to submit to demeaning tasks below their    
own perceived dignity

Focused on titles, position

Always must make a point and be heard
no matter what the cost

Cause much pain

Impatient

Outwardly, overly polite, mannerly

Cause helpers hurt

Don't talk, trust or feel

Mercilessly project responsibility and blame              
on others


Victims

Fantasy-driven "If only..."

Materialistic

I am important - My things are important

Externally driven

Status conscious

Territorial

Hyper-conscious and hyper-sensitive to appearance


Draw attention to themselves by things (jewellery,
cars, homes, et al)

Preoccupied with comparing others' wealth, benefits,
possessions to their own

Covetous

Savers

"Squirrel" things

Gossip, innuendo, behind the back conversations     
are characteristic

Keep secrets

Gifts have strings attached

Relationship is conditional

Don't want to get involved

Aloof

"See ya!"

Always expects "something for nothing"


Avoid embarrassment and risk for others

"Stuck"

Restricts others' growth

Condemns, punishes mistakes

Appreciate being asked and needed

"Take care of me"

Insensitive to other's pain, needs

Resists reciprocation of support, sacrifice


Seeks revenge

Helpless: "I can't do it by myself!"

Just "too busy"

Tendency toward overwhelm

"Take it and run"

"Make me feel good!" (food, money, attention, sex,
religion, et al)

Starts fights and perpetuates unrest
but longs for "peace"


Never content, but unwilling to seek growth
opportunities

Past-And-Immediate-Present Oriented


Words and promises can't be trusted

"Intends" to keep promises

Indirect

Demanding

Controlling


Call for "Teamwork" only for their benefit

Impatient

Immature

Selfish

"Faith" is a shallow external facade

Unapproachable

High/unrealistic expectations of others to do things  
the right (i.e. "their") way

Fear-driven

If you can't control it, destroy it!

What will be will be (fatalistic)

Law/rule-Driven
Why shouldn't I help?

Don't question motivations

Ask, "How will this benefit others?"

Releasing

Finds power and peace
in spiritual wisdom

Willing to be servants

Follows the flow with insight

Rolls with the punches

Love unconditionally

High capacity for pain

Bear pain silently and with patience

Seldom call attention to themselves

Live confidently, day by day

May be left "holding the bag"

Pick up after themselves

Sharers

What can I do for them?

Invest in people

Willing to give virtually unlimited resources


Dependable

No time table

Flexible, open to sudden changes

No expectation of return

Simply give for the joy of it

Help people change their own lives

Committed to others

Support

Energize

Seek opportunities

Constructively critical

Do for themselves and others

Doesn't "use" others to a fault

Releasing

Agenda is announced, overt, and
open to scrutiny

Trusting of leaders

Help unconditionally

Trusting, able to give the benefit
of a doubt

Concerned with the essential
and important

Defensive/Supporting

Can face and work through pain

Listeners

Flexible

Share comfort, confidence

Concern-Driven

On spiritual journey

Forgive, forget, and come back supportive

Spontaneous, fun-loving

Willing to "break the rules" to show compassion

Willingly give up their own agenda for others

Focus on becoming transformed

Concerned with the important

Willing to pay the price for others' well-being



Permeable boundaries

Doers

Proactive

They come, assist, and when done, leave no
"silver bullet" behind

Willing to wash feet, take out trash,
do dirty work

Focus on helping others achieve their goals

They can be ignored as long as people aren't hurt


Help facilitate great healing

Patient

No shows

Help when others hurt

Shed tears, feel deep grief when hurt

Accept responsibility for their own behaviour



Survivors

Reality-based

"Things" just aren't that important

People are important

Internally driven by "grace" values

Welfare-of-others conscious

Expansive

Not appearance conscious (e.g. weight, height,   
clothes, figure, hair, coordination, flashiness)

Attention tends to be deflected away


Do all they can to protect and uphold their      
neighbour’s welfare

Generous

Spenders

Utilize all available resources

Maintain confidences,
appropriate communication

No need for secrets

Give gifts freely

Relationship unconditional

Want to reach out

Concerned

"I'll be there if you need me"

Willingly works even amid unfair treatment and
conditions

Will undergo humiliation and pain to assist others

Always growing

Encourages others growth

Mistakes are the path to growth

Don't need to be asked

Takes care of self and others

Sensitive and genuinely empathetic to other's pain

Is always there for friends, acquaintances, strangers,
and even foes/adversaries

Seeks reconciliation

Seeks ways to provide help

Goes out of their way

Performs well even under pressure

If it's not yours, respect it

Have learned the "secret" of contentment


Seeks constructive, positive means to achieve goals
through genuine dialogue and constructive conflict


Always satisfied, but looking for new opportunities    
for growth

Future-Oriented


Words and promises have meanings

Keeps promises

Direct

Cooperative

Sharing, Open


Calls for teamwork for benefit of others

Patient

Mature

Sharing

Faith is a truly permeating heart-and-soul reality

Approachable

Accepts “what is”


Love-driven

Allows the individual to be “them”

What will be, will be good

Love-Driven
Differences Between Givers And Takers

"Givers" and "Takers" - a simple listing.
"A successful relationship is not built on givers and takers only,
but on people who also become sharers".
~Unknown
One way to classify people is as
the
Givers and the Takers.

The difference between the two is that the Takers eat well,

and the Givers sleep well at night.
~Joy Mills - Between Heaven and Earth: the Purpose of the Soul
Dawn Cove Abbey
_______________________________
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
_______________________________________________________
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman MA, © 2007-2017

Questions and comments welcomed.