Reflections on Forgiveness:
     Forgiveness - the power that heals!

To forgive others and yourself is an empowering act: an act that is much misunderstood.

  • Forgiveness (a process) towards personal growth and expanding your human potential.
  • You choose to let go of a past wrong, in order to no longer be hurt by it.
  • Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to                 
    walk quickly on  a  crowded sidewalk.

Where Are You on the Path toward Peace and Healing?

Forgiveness is a healing journey for both body and soul. You usually know in your               
heart that you want, or need, to forgive someone; but by now you also know that the path      
toward peace can be difficult.
To move forward, it often helps to have an accurate sense of where you are right now.

Anyone who has ever been victimized must decide whether or not to forgive the             
perpetrator.  There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you decide to  forgive the
person who hurt you; or you hold on to bitterness and anger.
Holding on to bitterness and anger causes problems of their own. If you have ever been
victimized, being able to  forgive your victimizer/perpetrator is a crucial part of your healing.
Klaas Tuinman
Dawn Cove Abbey
Kingston, Ontario, Canada
(1985 – rev: 2010-2019)
Forgiveness - the Ultimate Soul Detoxifier: Power That Heals
Letting Yourself Off The Hook of Toxic Soul Poisoning
"As long as you don't forgive,
who and whatever it is - will occupy rent-free space in your mind."
~Isabelle Holland
Forgiveness . . .   so misunderstood . . .

Forgiveness - is the power that heals: to forgive others and yourself is an empowering        
act! It requires that you sort out for yourself what you are really doing – and what you          
are not doing.
  • Forgiveness is not letting the other person "off"
  • Forgiveness is  letting yourself "off" - to end toxic inner bitterness and ongoing hurt     
    and pain

The Effects Of Not Forgiving is Excessive Inhibition:
  • By hanging onto your hurts, and inhibiting yourself, you produce deadness; numbing
    whole areas of the body; inhibiting breathing,  movement,  the flow of energy.

Holding onto hurts brings fixation:
  • stunting growth; creating in you the experience of being blocked off; in a  dream-like
    state of half aliveness.

To help dispel more misconceptions about this, please watch a very special video by  
Dawn Cove Abbey
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman MA  © 2007-2019

Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario.
Questions and comments welcomed.
Forgiveness, however, is difficult and poses a problem for many people simply because they           
are not clear about what forgiveness really is.

All too often forgiveness gets confused with letting someone "off the hook", and with
And it has nothing to do with letting someone off the hook - you do it to let yourself off the              
hook of constantly remembering, and reliving it.

And Reconciliation is a separate step from forgiveness. It may be a component of a larger           
process - so that forgiveness  is but one part. And at this point we are speaking only of        
forgiveness; not reconciliation.

Forgiveness is hard work, very hard, and it is so tempting at times to avoid it;
which is                    
If you remind yourself that you are doing it for yourself, not the other                   
person, it is easier to do the necessary inner work.

Anger, Bitterness and Hatred
Only when you forgive can we remove the hurt and let healing power flow in. The most            
common response to being hurt is anger, bitterness and hatred.  

But all that emotion that we carry around inside you
doesn't affect the person you are                  
angry with,
or whom you have come to hate.  
  • It only hurts you, even more than the original hurt.
  • It festers and grows, prevents happiness and joy, and will affect your health.
  • That anger, bitterness and hatred have to go, for your own sake.

But only when you have fully confronted (faced) it, and come to understand it: forgive, let go,           
and then forget – but remember the lesson.

"Forget" in this sense means to move it from the forefront to the back of your mind,                   
reducing its intensity, and into the garbage can of other relatively
"less devastating,                         
and no longer really painful, relevant"

Since emotions are powerful aspects of our being, they can trick you into a false sense of            
security as easily as working at it, for if you don't, sometimes when you least expect  it,                     
the destructive feelings over some past hurt you thought you'd forgiven and forgotten, return                 
to start their negative process again.

Anger, bitterness and hate are difficult to eradicate.  You may have to repeat the process        
several times to finally get rid of them; and the deeper the hurt, the longer it may take.  But as           
you persevere, over time it will begin to happen. One thing that will give you power, is your      
attitude in this (see
Power Of Attitude)

Let's take a closer look at the process:
(1) who or what is our anger, bitterness and hate directed at; the person who did it, or the          
thing they did?
There is a big difference.
(2) Who or what is we're forgiving? The person who did it, or the act/words etc, they           
committed? There is an important difference here, too.
Forgiveness, or forgiving someone, is  
often seen as weakness.  A long time  
of involvement with people has
convinced me that this view is wrong:
it is an act of courage and strength.

Another thing people tend to forget is
that it is as important to forgive
yourself - it is a way to move on - to
learn from the experience, and then let
go of it.

When we forgive, we heal ourselves,  
and sometimes others
.  Most
important of all, perhaps, is the fact
that sometimes in order for us to be
able to forgive someone else for their
we have to forgive
ourselves for our own first.
                            Hurt vs Hurter

You see, because of the emotional intensity and the soul-pain, we tend to blur these two things  
together, and it is this that heightens and increases the difficulty in the forgiving; we don't                
want to be cruel or mean, yet  at the same time, we have to make the hurt and pain go away.           
That's why it is important to determine for ourselves which it is we want, or need, to actually            
deal with:
the person, or the thing that was done.

It may be a person we love(d) or like(d) who had never done something of that nature before,           
and the incident was a one-of sort of deal. Or it was a person with a history of being nasty and