|Why should I help?
Ask "I wonder what they really want?"
Ask, "What's in it for me?"
Finds power and peace in externals and things
Must be "lords"
Appears "In control"
"Love" conditionally (strings attached)
Low capacity for pain
There's "always something..." to worry about
Leave damage behind them - and try to hide it
What's in it for me?
Invest in selves
In need of virtually unlimited
attention and support
Time, schedules closely monitored
Pre-occupied with facade of "gratitude"
Change people's lives to suit their own ends
Committed to self
Seek personal comfort
Do for themselves only what others won't do for them
Cleverly hidden agenda
Distrust any and all leaders
Help given (grudgingly) until angered
Perfectionistic and controlling
Fear of pain and suffering
Live by schedules
Share discomfort, fear
Resist spiritual growth
Don't forgive unless they have to (prefer "payback")
Live, fight and die by "principles" and "rights"
Will stop at nothing to get their way
Focus on conforming others to themselves
Concerned with the urgent
Make others pay the price for their desires,
Impermeable, rigid boundaries
"Humbly" seek "deserved" attention, affection,
reward and recognition for efforts
Refuse to submit to demeaning tasks below their
own perceived dignity
Focused on titles, position
Always must make a point and be heard
no matter what the cost
Cause much pain
Outwardly, overly polite, mannerly
Cause helpers hurt
Don't talk, trust or feel
Mercilessly project responsibility and blame
Fantasy-driven "If only..."
I am important - My things are important
Hyper-conscious and hyper-sensitive to appearance
Draw attention to themselves by things (jewellery,
cars, homes, et al)
Preoccupied with comparing others' wealth, benefits,
possessions to their own
Gossip, innuendo, behind the back conversations
Gifts have strings attached
Relationship is conditional
Don't want to get involved
Always expects "something for nothing"
Avoid embarrassment and risk for others
Restricts others' growth
Condemns, punishes mistakes
Appreciate being asked and needed
"Take care of me"
Insensitive to other's pain, needs
Resists reciprocation of support, sacrifice
Helpless: "I can't do it by myself!"
Just "too busy"
Tendency toward overwhelm
"Take it and run"
"Make me feel good!" (food, money, attention, sex,
religion, et al)
Starts fights and perpetuates unrest
but longs for "peace"
Never content, but unwilling to seek growth opportunities
Words and promises can't be trusted
"Intends" to keep promises
Call for "Teamwork" only for their benefit
"Faith" is a shallow external facade
High/unrealistic expectations of others to do things the
right (i.e. "their") way
If you can't control it, destroy it!
What will be will be (fatalistic)
|Why shouldn't I help?
Don't question motivations
Ask, "How will this benefit others?"
Finds power and peace
in spiritual wisdom
Willing to be servants
Follows the flow with insight
Rolls with the punches
High capacity for pain
Bear pain silently and with patience
Seldom call attention to themselves
Live confidently, day by day
May be left "holding the bag"
Pick up after themselves
What can I do for them?
Invest in people
Willing to give virtually unlimited resources
No time table
Flexible, open to sudden changes
No expectation of return
Simply give for the joy of it
Help people change their own lives
Committed to others
Do for themselves and others
Doesn't "use" others to a fault
Agenda is announced, overt, and
open to scrutiny
Trusting of leaders
Trusting, able to give the benefit
of a doubt
Concerned with the essential
Can face and work through pain
Share comfort, confidence
On spiritual journey
Forgive, forget, and come back supportive
Willing to "break the rules" to show compassion
Willingly give up their own agenda for others
Focus on becoming transformed
Concerned with the important
Willing to pay the price for others' well-being
They come, assist, and when done, leave no
"silver bullet" behind
Willing to wash feet, take out trash,
do dirty work
Focus on helping others achieve their goals
They can be ignored as long as people aren't hurt
Help facilitate great healing
Help when others hurt
Shed tears, feel deep grief when hurt
Accept responsibility for their own behaviour
"Things" just aren't that important
People are important
Internally driven by "grace" values
Not appearance conscious (e.g. weight, height,
clothes, figure, hair, coordination, flashiness)
Attention tends to be deflected away
Do all they can to protect and uphold their
Utilize all available resources
No need for secrets
Give gifts freely
Want to reach out
"I'll be there if you need me"
Willingly works even amid unfair treatment and
Will undergo humiliation and pain to assist others
Encourages others growth
Mistakes are the path to growth
Don't need to be asked
Takes care of self and others
Sensitive and genuinely empathetic to other's pain
Is always there for friends, acquaintances, strangers,
and even foes/adversaries
Seeks ways to provide help
Goes out of their way
Performs well even under pressure
If it's not yours, respect it
Have learned the "secret" of contentment
Seeks constructive, positive means to achieve goals
through genuine dialogue and constructive conflict
Always satisfied, but looking for new opportunities
Words and promises have meanings
Calls for teamwork for benefit of others
Faith is a truly permeating heart-and-soul reality
Accepts “what is”
Allows the individual to be “them”
What will be, will be good
|Differences Between Givers And Takers
"Givers" and "Takers" - a simple listing.
|"A successful relationship is not built on givers and takers only,
but on people who also become sharers". ~Unknown
|One way to classify people is as
the Givers and the Takers.
The difference between the two is that the Takers eat well,
and the Givers sleep well at night.
~Joy Mills - Between Heaven and Earth: the Purpose of the Soul
|Dawn Cove Abbey
"Roadside Assistance" For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman M.A © 2007-2020
Questions and comments welcomed.