Love is a single word with many meanings, and is difficult to define, describe,
understand, or figure out . . . Love also isn't a single fixed emotion, for there
are many subtle differences between the various types of love. Here is an
The Four “Loves” (Basic - there are other variations - read on))
There are four different types, or styles, of love that have their own
characteristics and personalities. They are commonly given the names
that the ancient Greeks coined to characterize the different love styles:
Agape is unconditional love (also known as Caritas)
Storge is Affection, love of family
Philia is love between friends
Eros is the sense of being in love
|All About Love: The Different Forms Of Love
Deerfield, Nova Scotia, Canada
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Eros means romantic love from which the word erotic comes, but does not
necessarily imply sexuality. It's love in the sense of 'being in love': the chemical
reaction that happens between two people. It's infatuation between people, and
is like “puppy love”. Eros is the desire to draw out all that is good, beautiful and
true. It is motivated by, and involves, emotional need; to elicit physical love and
affection from the one you love. It's often understood to refer primarily to sex,
but that's really only one significant part of it.
True love requires all four types of Love.
Most relationships today are based on one type of love. If your relationship does
not contain these four types of love, you may have the recipe for disaster.
Other forms or styles of love . . .
Security Love: is the love that everybody needs to survive - that feeling of
being cared for and nurtured. Some people would describe this as the type of
love parents have for their children (storge): this is so important. It is high on
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs concept.
Pragma (Logical) Love: is realistic, practical love. The type of love which can
go out looking for a partner based on a shopping list of requirements, which can
be a bit unemotional. Sometimes, though, pragma love also contains a bit of
Ludus love (see below) Pragma Love is often a combination of storge and ludus
love, and refers to a practical or logical love in which someone actively searches
for a partner with certain characteristics.
Love or Infatuation? Love and infatuation often misunderstood which is
unfortunate, because the difference between is big. How can you tell whether it’s
Infatuation or Love?
When you have Red Flag Thoughts like, “You are my life. I can't live without
you,” it’s likely infatuation, especially if it persists after several months (in true
“love” that kind of feeling also tends to happen initially, but changes to
something deeper). In a sense, infatuation is like codependence.
Infatuation is like puppy love/crush – like the temporary love of an adolescent.
Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion
or love; addictive love.
Some of the “symptoms” of infatuation are: (these don’t go with love).
feelings of panic,
impatience, and/or jealously.
When infatuated, people are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet
suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about their partner and their
love for them. They are miserable when they’re away, almost like they’re not
complete unless they’re with them. Infatuation:
It’s a rush and it’s intense.
It’s difficult to concentrate.
Most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around
them. For them, somehow being with the object of their infatuation is not
complete unless in ends in some type of sexual encounter.
They idealize their behavior and aren't accepting of their whole actions.
They place them on a pedestal.
They tend to fantasize about them
Infatuation means that “we need to get married, right away cause I don't trust
you and I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose you”. Infatuation is when we look at that
person almost as if they were a mentor to us and everything they do and say is
just the right action and pleases us to no end.
Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but
not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits
and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too
closely. It might spoil the dream.
Infatuation is in fact love not with the other person, but the image of that person
– a creation of your mind. Do any of these “symptoms” resemble feelings of love?
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They are always afraid of losing the object of that obsession, and so they tend
to try and hold on to that one person by whatever means it may take.
Obsessive Love / Obsession
Obsessive Love is closely related to Manic Love: which is also obsessive and
highly volatile. These forms of love are fuelled by low self-esteem; and are
troubled with dependence on the other person. They are characterized by
great intensity and jealousy,
Obsessive & Manic love relationships are probably the worst manifestation of
the feeling of love, or when you mistake obsession for love.
People close to them often become co-dependent. Generally, love is "other-
centered"where as obsession is "self-centered". Research and clinical
experience show that there are a substantial number of romantic relationships
in which an individual is either desperately trying to get someone to love them
or they are desperately trying to keep the love of a partner by focusing an
inordinate amount of their attention on them. Both cases, are essentially
variations of "obsession." Neither has a thing to do with genuine love.
When we obsess over our own emotions, we are expressing ourselves on an
extremely selfish level.
Narcissistic Love: another negative form of love is Narcissistic Love.
Narcissists "love" their spouses or other significant others - as long as they
continue to reliably provide them with Narcissistic Supply (in one word, with
attention). Inevitably, they regard others as mere "sources", objects, or
functions. People close to these also often become co-dependent. Lacking
empathy and emotional maturity, the narcissist's love is sick. But the precise
nature of this depends on the narcissists’ stability or instability in different
parts of their life.
Ludas Love: Ludas is called game-playing love. It is like the love of a knight
for a princess. There are playful interactions here but little intimacy or deep
Companionship Love: is the kind of love that stimulates all five senses.
S/he smells good, feels good, tastes good, sounds good, and looks good. S/he
is pleasant company because s/he makes you feel happy. Many relationships
begin with this type of love, but it doesn't always withstand the pressure of
Friendship Love: this is a love between yourself and someone that is totally
honest, open and comfortable. You really only have this kind of bond with a
few people. You might know a lot of people and be "friendly" with them in a
group situation but they are not the best friends.
Genuine Love is completely different. It means, "I see a need in you. Let me
have the privilege of meeting it."
Instead of taking for itself, genuine love gives to others. It motivates us to
help others reach their full potential in life. Love is the quiet understanding
and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and
grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by their
presence, even when they are away. Miles do not separate you. You have so
many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near
or far, you know they are yours, and you can wait. Love says, "Be patient".
Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."
Unconditional Love is the sincerest love; the love that lasts forever. This kind
of love comes when you have found the person you are destined to be with.
Nothing can destroy unconditional love.
Agape Love, described above, is also a blend of two other types of love; eros
and storge. This is the love of altruism, of giving without asking anything in
return, and of sacrificing oneself for one's partner. Many consider it to be
the purest form of love.
The love you have for someone will change over time,
and even in type
– but if you have a strong foundation, it will withstand the unfolding changes.
Which kind of love do you love others with?
Which kind of love are you being loved with?
|Love, Infatuation, Obsession and more
Agape means unconditional love for someone. Agape is the love that brings forth
caring regardless of circumstance. Agape love is the selfless, sacrificial love for
others, in which nothing is asked in return . . . it is truly unconditional, which
means “no strings attached”.
Affection - (storge, στοργη)
Storge is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members;
parental affection; the almost instinctive affection such as animals have for their
young, and also people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance.
It is described as the most natural, emotive, and widely diffused of loves. Storge
Love exemplifies friendship-based love. There is strong companionship and shared
values here, but little physical intimacy. In social psychology, storge is the form of
love between exceptional friends, and the desire for them to care compassionately
for one another.
Philia - Friendship
(philia, φιλια) is a strong bond existing between people who share a common
interest or activity. Philia is Friendship Love, which is not sexual in nature, though
(in the right circumstance) it can lead to or complement Eros (below). It's the kind
of love talked about by Jesus, who said: "Greater love hath no man than this, that
a man lay down his life for his friends." Philia is the embodiment of everything a
true, meaningful friendship represents. Philea love truly describes friendship and
the bonds that are strengthened by shared experiences. The city in Pennsylvania,
Philadelphia's name means, "city of brotherly Love".