|About Healing: Inner Healing - Emotional, Mental and Spiritual
Recovery, Healing, Re-Visioning, Re-Purposing, Establishing New Beginnings
"Roadside Assistance" to assist you in your healing journey
An Overview and Introduction
The "Components" of Healing
Set & Intentional Behaviour & Normal vs
Setting Reactionary Behaviour "Abnormal"
Self-Transcendence "Walls" "Sublimation"
vs Self-Sabotage The Dilemma
Inner Healing is one of the most interesting, yet challenging journeys anyone can ever go on.
There will be "obstacles" and "issues" to be overcome along the way. There will be "dead-ends"
on the path at times, requiring back-tracking, or blazing a brand-new, unknown one; sometimes
there are forks -and decisions are called for, with choices to make.
We are Bio-Electro-Chemical amazing beings. The brain is not the Mind: it is somewhat like the
main data processor on your computer, smartphone and other devices - it is the hardware. The
"mind" is the software that the brain processes. There is a symbiotic relationship between the
chemistry, biology and the electro-magnetic elements. A change in any one of those will affect all
the others - hence the need for an holistic approach to wholeness, which is the actual meaning of
Please Note: One of the most challenging things I encounter in help people find, or create their
healing path is to get them to accept that they are NOT their "disorder" or "challenge" etc. There is a
vast difference between BE-ing and HAVE-ing; as in they (you) HAVE a "challenge" or "disorder"
- but they/you are NOT that label: the label is not a definition of them/You - it is simply a descriptor
of what you/they Have; please internalize, accept and own that knowledge-Reality - this is huge.
Healing can be, and often is, an arduous journey; but there's nothing that says it has to be rushed,
or done in a day, or some other pre-ordained or specified time. We all have our own speed, and ways,
on walking journeys. For more on this, see the introduction on the Alcoholism main page.
The discussion and information below is not meant to overwhelm or intimidate you; rather, it is
here to Help you: the intentions to give you an overview of what is involved in the process of
inner healing. Often, knowing the nature of what we're faced with, kind of "whittles it down to
size", and makes the process appear much less intimidating: and therefore do-able and manageable.
Set and Setting
Positive inner healing journeys requires two very crucial things: "Set" and "Setting": they both
play a vital role in healing. The healing process has this in common with other situations where
intense experiences may occur, or which are hoped for. That includes "Peak Experiences".
"Set" is our mindset (anticipation, anxiety, excitement etc) as we approach, and go into, the
experience. It is the most important element. For in our mindset we bring all our attitudes,
habitual thoughts, feelings, culture, childhood formation, beliefs, and quite frequently fear,
among others. Our mindset is what creates our anticipation (and/or trepidation) of what
we are about to experience.
"Setting" is where the experience is going to take place; our social environment and
surroundings: the people we surround ourselves with, and the actual physical place. AND, "setting" is
also the environment/circumstances we live in that contribute, and have contributed to creating the
necessity for healing. It is also where we return to after healing consultations; not all setting are
conducive to the healing. Often it requires it to be a family affair.
The two modes of behaviour
Intentional: it is intentional because we always have a choice; that however, is true only where
we are in full balanced control, inner harmony of all the dimensions that make us who we are:
physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. This is the mode most of us would like to think we're in
most of the time, but frequently, we are not.
Reactionary: much of our behaviour is a reaction to something; whether to events, or people, or
what people did to us, or incidents etc, or a combination of all of these. This usually is anything but
harmonious and balanced; and almost always does not address the causes (events, things,
persons, circumstances, etc) - hence, this is also what produces most of human anti-social and/or
And what we come up with in our reaction to survive are coping strategies: alcoholism is one such
strategy, as are the methods used by children of alcoholic/ dysfunctional families. The "problem"
with these is, that almost none of them work: at best they do so very briefly, before they in turn
become new problems for them to deal with.
NOTE: connected to these, is this reality: that our thoughts, feelings, emotions etc, are the food we
feed our mind, spirit and body with; -any healing journey requires absorbing that truth-, and
examining what it is we feed ourselves with, so to speak. And it is definitely related to who we
"hang out with".
Protecting oneself is both understandable, wise, and important. However, it can be like people
trapped within castle walls; the outsiders can't get in to hurt them, but they can't get out to do
whatever it is they want, or need to do. So the healing journey is largely about "getting out" in a
safe way, while still protecting oneself.
Sometimes, often when we least expect it, we get one of those "Ah-ha" moments, when we see/get
what our next step should/will be: and sometimes we get those as we hear or read someone else's
story; where the light goes on because we have that realization of, "Hey, that's me to a Tee" . . .
and sometimes those are huge moments where we can make a big step forward: seldom the whole
solution, yet a big step. Knowledge, after all, comes in degrees; bit by bit.
And here you'll read and hear many people's stories; some, or one, or all of them might be the ones
that bring you your "Ah-ha" moment. The many shades of being and behaviour human beings
come in, is at times totally baffling, sometimes frustrating or bewildering, and sometimes annoying
or hurtful. And at other times people seem to rise above themselves and are caring, joyful and
* Did you know that the things that really bother us about other people, are actually the things we
dislike or hate most about ourselves; but we turn it outwards, rather than address it. "Those
people" we so dislike are: people who seem blithely or blissfully unaware of the effects their
behaviour, words and actions have on others; or are aware but don't understand the fuss; and
there are those who are totally aware, but couldn't care less. These are the "other people".
So now we have an interesting situation, for:
* On the opposite side of that, are those who are on the receiving end of the above, desperately
wondering how anyone could be so unaware; or what is even more hurtful - knowing that the
other is aware but appears to have actually chosen to be (or stay) that way. And that some actually
don't care; yet wanting to understand it, or discover what they can do about it, or not.
These are "us".
Perhaps equally importantly, you will realize that in order to achieve what you're looking for, you
will have to look at yourself through "other eyes": meaning to take a look at how others might see
you - and get the realization of why they react to you, the way they do. If we all did that, and acted
on our discovery (or discoveries) the "world" would change drastically.
Untangling it is not easy: there are "Issues", "Challenges", "Syndromes", "Disorders", Spectrums,
and all sorts of other names and labels attempting to make some sort of order into that seeming
chaos - that leave us more puzzled and confused than we already were.
More importantly, ALL of us, have been, or are, both these people at one time or another: actually,
we are so most of the time. So it very much comes down to what St Francis of Assisi said, "What
you are looking for is what is looking." Which in contemporary times is phrased slightly differently;
"The one you are looking for is the one who is looking." Because, until we truly know ourselves,
we cannot expect to understand others.
I do not have "THE" answer(s) for you, but I can help YOU find the answer(s) you need. (The
answer(s) are already inside you - you'll rediscover them on your healing journey, here and
My intention, purpose, and hope is to be helpfully informative, and thought-provoking, but never
persuasive or judgemental. I have nothing to sell: I simply provide "Roadside Assistance", so to
speak, for Healing and Recovery in a Shaming-Blaming culture that is often very much Fear-Based: a
Culture of Dysfunction - but not as widespread as it may seem, or feel. But you'll find
many encouraging examples of many, many exceptions to it, here.
You will rediscover an essential truth as you browse the site: that People (Others and YOU) are not
their/your "Label", their "Disorder", "Complex", "Syndrome", or their "Disease", and etc.
The Help and Information here are not "Psychological", "Philosophical", nor "Theological"
mumbo-jumbo: rather it is acquired from the wisdom garnered by humans over the ages - and
added-to by former clients, students - and through observing people in many places and situations
during a long time-frame; as well of course, through "formal" and post-graduate self-directed
study. They are based on Life in all its wondrous vastness, intricacies and "mysteries".
"Everything in your life is there as a vehicle for your transformation.
"We're all walking each other home".
Every Journey begins with a single step.
Yours too; your First step . . .
No one can walk with you till you take that first step, beautiful person.
We live at a time where the prevailing "wisdom" and practice is to look for (and offer) instant
solutions and "quick-fixes" to "heal" ourselves. And oh my, if only it was that simple - if only they
worked. No doubt you've tried some in your journey of healing and/or understanding. The
"reality" is, those are at best "symptom alleviators" - they only address the symptoms, not the
reasons and causes behind those symptoms.
You see, "recovery" and healing is a process: one that requires your active participation: you need
to be engaged in it - or it simply will not have the outcomes you desire. To truly heal (it means to
"become whole"), it is necessary to get to the root of whatever is involved and deal with that.
And it takes "Time": knowledge does come in degrees.
To assist you in the process, I have provided articles and stories that are in a sense, walks on both
the light side of life - walks to perhaps trigger those "ah-ha" moments, and insights, and possible
solutions. It also looks at challenges, issues, conditions and problems people experience: the so-
called "disorders, "syndromes", "disease", "mental problems", "Spectrum" and "Complexes" etc.
I dislike Labels intensely, because it's yet another way of "stereo-typing" and thus they stigmatize"
the person, so I only use them in quotations marks to help orient you as to what it is we're talking
Many (if not most) of them are simply reactions to life, experiences and circumstances, and the
coping mechanisms, people use: not the labels that others have assigned to them. I strikes me
that it is more helpful and positively productive, to think of it as manifestations of the
tremendously malleable spectrum of human behavioural diversity. Both culture and individual
uniqueness are agents in it. You will find no "baffle-gab" or "psycho-babble", of any kind on this
site (unless in quotations marks). Just straight, upfront talk.
By far, the majority of articles and essays etc, on the site are walks on the bright side of life, but
there are articles and stories about the dark side, too.
It's only by facing or confronting the dark, that we have the hope of discovering the path to the
Light side, and thus experience our awakening, so that we can make a new beginning - the
recovery and healing that directs, or returns us to the light: to the bright side of life. There are
many, many more bright side walks here, than dark, negative ones.
Another interesting thing: we are all "normal", for when we are being "ourselves", doing and
saying the things we usually, or always do, and think as we always do, that is being our "normal"
self. At the same time we are all dysfunctional, meaning that not everything in our lives always
works (or work well) for us, or for others around us (to whatever degree). This is our personal
We are all also "children" - Adult Children: within whom lives that little "inner child" - the one
who was unable to grow and form in a healthy, functional manner, and who feels locked-up and
afraid - and all the "coulda", "shoulda", "woulda" stuff is not relevant here: that's yesterday's
baggage. That is whom the recovery and healing process needs to reach - that's who needs to be
healed, and to have balance - so that those who have been wounded, can also heal.
When machinery, appliances or electronic devices aren't working, not working well, or not
working as they are "supposed to", we say they aren't functioning properly (or well): or that they
are "Dysfunctional". And we get them repaired, or replaced. That works well with machinery
Human lives also do not always go well, however, or not as well as they could, or not working as
they are "supposed to" as well. But we are not mechanical or electronic devices, etc, and are thus
faced with using a different approach to "repair", fix, or change what isn't working - for us.
IF we were only Biological, Neurological, Chemical (Bio-Neuro-Chemological) beings then we
could treat our "dys-functioning or "malfunctioning"" aspects, challenges, issues, etc, in the
same manner as we do the malfunctioning devices and machines in our lives. If only it were that
Instead of being Bio-Neuro-Chemological beings only, we are far more complex than just that,
for we have an added dimension, or dimensions (or facets). We are complex beings having an
intricate interplay of Mind, Body, Spirit - which is a totally different situation, requiring
totally different means and approaches to dealing with, or harmonizing, the interplay, so that our
lives will function better.
We are Spiritual beings having a Human experience: which is what makes the big difference. We
are constantly both Human and Spiritual; simultaneously - all the time. So the using the Neuro-
Biochemical approach only, does not, and will not work. To continue that approach, believing that
that's all it is, is equivalent to saying that your stereo or computer, or phone "made" the music that
you listen to, for example. Not so. However, this is where I end that analogy.
Many of the things that aren't going well, or aren't working for us at all, are reactions to situations,
circumstances, experiences, and events, etc. - and not simply, or just Bio-Neuro-Chemical in
origin (but they will have Bio-Beuro-Chemical consequences - it often becomes a "chicken or the
egg" kind of situation). And these reactions have emotional and spiritual consequences that
impinge on our bodies (thus, our overall physical health) we could call it dis-ease, uneasiness,
disharmony, out of balance . . .
Because of the intricate, complex interplay between Body-Mind-Spirit, it is not always clear
whether certain challenges, issues, (disorders) are "causes", or consequences. Which is why
regaining balance, harmony, health and serenity within ourselves is a challenging, and often
frustrating journey, or process.
This Body-Mind-Spirit is a total, integrated entity: and it is connected to everything else, and
everything else is connected to it: all the time, simultaneously. It's like an infinitely gigantic
matrix, or as Chief Seattle purportedly called it: the web of life. And he rightly said that,
"whatever happens on the web, anywhere; happens to everything else on it; everywhere, always".
So it's not a case of any of us just being receivers or recipients: we are also givers and senders. But
in the hum and drum, the ups and downs of life, many of us lose our awareness of that inter-
connectedness, and our sense of integration, and instead become disoriented, disconnected and
enter a dissociative state (dissociative: a good word that psychology stole and used as a label).
And because of that interconnectedness, and integrated wholeness, it impinges on, and becomes
part of, our healing and reconnection process.
Yes, sometimes it requires medication: but herbal, natural substances will in many cases provide
exactly what it is needed - rather than pharma-chemical intervention. That is not to say they don't
have their place - but not on the scale that they are currently employed as the "end-all and be-all".
Without re-establishing our integrated selves, and then reconnect with the larger integral web, we
cannot hope to fully recover, or heal.
This site provides resources that are helpful to people on healing and recovery journeys. There are
many examples (pages) of Healthy, balanced and well-functioning life styles. At the same time,
it explores, and provides examples of, the consequences of Dysfunction on people (and children).
You will find the Topics and links to some of the various resources, below.
Hello, I'm Klaas, also known as Opa.
How may I be of service to you?
Where do I come in, on your journey? Simply
put, mine is a more minor role, compared to
yours. I provide the "space" -a safe,
comfortable place- for you to engage in, in
creating your own healing "space" - this is a
rest stop along the way; and there are also
resources and support of many kinds for
you to draw upon.
And I'm here, as a fellow traveller, one who
has walked many trails. I am not a
"counsellor" in the common usage of that
word - I am a guide or facilitator. I am not
you - I do not know the answer to what you
need. But perhaps I maybe able help you
My role is to provide with new tools (the
information and support items on this site),
and to listen, and perhaps suggest some
things for you consider; perhaps ask that if
what you've been doing isn't working for
you, to try something else; something
I cannot, and will not, TELL you what
to do - I am not you, but . . . will help you
|Dawn Cove Abbey
This is my eBook "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman MA © 2007-2019
It is not for sale; it is Free.
It's my way of Paying It Forward. It is an ongoing work in progress.
"Roadside Assistance" for your Journey through Life