Never let a problem to be solved become more
important than a person to be loved.
1


You are you
       and
               I am
I.

    You have your way.
    I have my way.
As for the right way,
the correct way,
and the only way,
it does not exist. 2

                       If I just do my thing
               and you do yours,
               we stand in danger
               of losing each other
       and ourselves.

       I am not in this world
       to live up to your expectations;
       (nor are you here to live up to mine)
but I am in this world
to confirm you as
a unique human being,
and to be confirmed by you.

                        Assumptions
                   are the termites
                 of relationships.
3

We are fully ourselves
only in relation to each other;
the I detached from a Thou
disintegrates.

                               Relationship . . .
                               a particular type of connection
                               existing between people related to,
                               or having dealings with, each other.

I must begin with myself, true;
but I must not end with myself:
the Truth
       begins
            with two.
4


You and I
are in a relationship,
which I value and want to keep.

Yet each of us is a separate person with unique needs
       and the right to meet those needs.

                                                               Love is not
                                                       two people gazing at each other,
                                               but two people
                                               looking in the same direction.
5


When you are having problems meeting your needs
I will listen with genuine acceptance
so as to facilitate your finding
your own solutions
       instead of depending on mine.

I also will respect your right
to choose your own beliefs
and develop your own values,
different though they may be from mine.

However,
when your behavior interferes
with what I must do
to get my own needs met,
I will tell you openly
and honestly
       how your behavior affects me,
       trusting that you respect my needs
       and feelings enough
               to try to change the behavior
                       that is unacceptable to me.

                                          It only takes one smile
                                          to offer welcome . . .
                                           and blessed be
                                          the person who will share it.
9

               Also,
       whenever some behavior of mine
       is unacceptable to you,
I hope you will tell me openly and honestly
so that I can change
that part of my unacceptable  behavior.

At those times
when one of us cannot change to meet the other’s needs,
let us acknowledge that we have a conflict
and commit ourselves
to resolve each such conflict
       without either of us resorting to the use of power
               to win at the expense of the other’s losing.

                                       It only takes one moment
                                       to be helpful . . .
                                       and blessed be
                                       the person who will spare it. 9

               I respect your needs,
               but I also must respect my own.

       So let us always strive
to search for a solution
that will be acceptable to
both of us.

Your needs will be met,
and so will mine
neither will lose,
       both will win.

                                               Don't smother each other.
                                               No one can grow in the shade.
6

In this way,
you can continue to develop as a person
through satisfying your needs,
and so can I.

                                                       It only takes one joy
                                                   to lift a spirit . . .
                                                and blessed be
                                       the person who will give it. 9

Thus,
ours can be a healthy relationship
in which both of us
can strive to become
what we are capable of being.

Relationship - a widely misused, misunderstood concept:
Boss-Employee = a relationship
Siblings = a relationship
Cop-Speeder = a relationship
Store Clerk-Shopper = a relationship
Parent-Child = a relationship
Friendship = a relationship
To relate – is to associate, make a logical or, causal connection.
The “
Intimate Relationship” is only one form of “relationship”
(fourth on the list in most dictionaries)

                 And we can continue
                        to relate
                       to each other
               with mutual respect,
                       love,
                  and peace.
7   

To know when to go away
and when to come closer
is the key
to any lasting relationship.
8

It only takes one life
to make a difference . . .
         and blessed be
the person who will live it. 9
These are the “expectations”: the only expectations . . .
This
is the “commitment”.
No pre-existing script will work.
When this comes from two hearts in accord,
no other commitment is necessary, or needs
to be verbalized or named.

The script is open-ended: we write it ourselves,
and it will develop and expand, for each of us
will grow and change - one day at a time,
for neither of us knows what tomorrow brings.
With our lives entwined,
each accepting, adapting and adjusting;
we continue life in mutual respect,
love and peace.
10
When people honour each other,
there is a
trust established
that leads to synergy,
interdependence,
and deep respect.

Both parties make decisions
and choices based on
what is right,
what is best,
what is valued most highly. 11

          Oh, the comfort –
the inexpressible comfort
of feeling safe with a person –
having neither to weigh thoughts
nor measure words,
but pouring them all right out,
just as they are,
chaff and grain together;
certain that a faithful hand
will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping,
and then with the breath of kindness
blow the rest away.  12

What we have once enjoyed
we can never lose.
       All that we love deeply
                becomes a part of us. 13

Love
is what's left in a relationship
       after all the selfishness
               has been removed. 14

Lust is easy.
Love is hard.
Like is most important. 15

We adjust, adapt, acknowledge, and accept . . .
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
[1] ~Barbara Johnson
[2]
~Friedrich Nietzsche
[3] ~Henry Winkler
[4] ~Walter Tubbs- "Beyond (Fritz) Perls"
[5] ~
Author unknown
[6] ~Leo Buscaglia
[7] -A Credo For My Relationships With Others ~Dr. Thomas Gordon
[8] ~Doménico Cieri Estrada
[9] ~Amanda Bradley
[10] ~Klaas Tuinman
[11] ~Blaine Lee
[12] ~Dinah Craik
[13] ~Helen Keller
[11] ~Cullen Hightower
[12] ~Carl Reiner
MorningStar Inspirations from
Dawn Cove Abbey
_______________________________
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
_______________________________________________________
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman MA, © 2007-2017

Questions and comments welcomed.
Relationship Credo