On this page you will see how Healthy/Functional versus Sick (Dysfunctional/Unhealthy)
Relationships form a stark contrast, as well as the
5 myths of relationships.


Note:
the following, please bear in mind is a culturally-based description and comparison.

This is an important consideration, because what is considered "good", "bad", desirable and
acceptable varies widely across cultures and communities  For more detail on that, read
Culture.
Comparing some characteristics of Healthy vs Unhealthy
Relationships/Love
There are many other points to compare - these are just a sample.

Five Myths that kill relationships.
  • Love is enough: it isn't.
  • There is nothing to learn: there is a lot to learn.
  • If you love me, you'll _____: wrong.
  • My partner/mate will change: says who?
  • I'll do my half: wrong - each has to do 100%
There is a tremendous difference between Healthy versus Sick (Unhealthy)
Love/Relationships.

You may also have noticed that the components of a Healthy Love relationships are     
far fewer - because
healthy is easier - than those in Sick/Unhealthy Love    
relationships situations.

Dealing with Power Games:
In a sick/unhealthy relationship, power games are not easily given up.
  • Acknowledge that power games are real.
  • Get help to disentangle if you cannot do it on your own, or by yourself.

Remember, dealing with an unhealthy relationship can be difficult,
frightening, confusing, and even unsafe.

Get someone you trust to help you.
This can be a good friend, a support group, a family member, a pastor,
or a professional counsellor or therapist.

You do not have to go it alone!

And the goal - mutual respect in a healthy relationship - is worth your acting now.

Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada - 1995 (Rev: 2009 - 2017)
Healthy and Sick Dysfunctional Relationships - a Comparison
The Difference Between Healthy/Functional Relationships and
Unhealthy/Dysfunctional (Sick) Relationships
Healthy Love/Relationships:
  • Allows for Individuality

  • Both parties are totally committed to
    make the relationship work, and to each
    other.

  • Do not try to change/control partner
  • Take care of each other's feelings when
    asked, or when it is sensed that it is
    needed.

  • Believes in equality and personal power in
    self & partner

  • Never laughs at their partner

Unhealthy Love/Relationships:
  • Unhealthy codependence instead of healthy
    inter-dependence
  • There is little, or no,  individual growth

  • One person playing mind games (manipulative
    behaviour &
  • Constant attempts at trying to change other
    people
  • Ongoing situation of experiencing negative
    feelings

  • Constant playing of "Power Games"
  • Are judgmental or punishing - not
    understanding.

  • They are aggressive but call it being
    assertive.
  • They withhold something others want or need.

  • They make decisions for the partner/spouse
    etc.
  • They use bullying or bribing behaviours and
    techniques
Regardless how long your behaviour pattern and circumstances may
have becoming a true survivor is possible at any time.

"Each night I die to old habits and to negative thinking and actions
that do not serve me any more;
each morning I am resurrected into new life, again and again –
if I so
choose
." (adapted from the chapel's prayers).
Many relationships are not very caring or loving on a consistent basis.

All relationships happen in a context of other people (within the relationship there is  
always the
"other" - but there are also familial influences as well as community ones.
One common feature in sick, unhealthy relationships is the use of "
Power Games." The   
word power can be used in many ways. Power games are manipulative behaviours that   
keep two people in a relationship on an unequal basis.

The power games in sick and unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships - families can be   
subtle or blatantly "
in your face": power trips destroy!

Whichever way they appear, basically one person in the relationship believes he or she  
must maintain control in the relationship. The person who believes this also feels the     
way   to be in control is to have power over that relationship.

People who buy into using power games to control a relationship often attempt, or      
engage in, controlling behaviours.

They are listed below.
Childhood is where it begins.
Childhood and youth is where it began for almost all lost children;
for all
"Adult Children of" . . .
So part of any healing journey is to reconnect with that child inside: the inner child.      
And although healing occurs in all those who actively engage in that journey - there     
will   always be remnants and memories.

Dysfunction too often is generational: it is passed on from one generation to another.  
The only way to change it is to break that cycle. The best way to do so is to begin      
one's own recovery and healing, and then focus on children in one's life.

This cannot be emphasized too much.
Good, healthy, functional relationships/marriages and families do not just "happen"     
on their own. The people involved
make them happen.

And the way they make them happen is by doing certain things differently than       
many others around them.
Also see
Love, Infatuation, Obsession etc)

They believe in, and practice, love, consideration, kindness and empathy.

It takes TWO people to make a relationship work
Dawn Cove Abbey
_______________________________
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
________________________________________________________________
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman MA, © 2007-2017

Questions and comments welcomed.