A Rebound Relationship is one where a person becomes seriously
involved with a new person shortly following the ending of a previous relationship.
Rebound relationships are believed to be short-lived due to one partner's emotional instability and
desire to distract themselves from a painful break up. Those emerging from serious relationships are often
advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed. (Wiki)
The problem with rebound is:
- It doesn't allow time for the grieving and healing processes to be complete.
- It results in emotional confusion.
- Frequently, the feelings for the old partner are simply transfer to the new one, giving the illusion that
we've found someone totally "different".
- The reality is, we've found someone very much like our old love.
- And very often the issues which drove us away from their previous partner are the very ones with
which we eventually find ourselves grappling with again in the new relationship.
Rebound relationships serve a purpose:
- To protect the heart from the devastation of losing someone very important.
- They are like a big cushion
- They protect us from the trauma of the fall which is experienced when a deep connection is abruptly
- They can serve as transition relationships to provide us with time for healing and recovery; in that
way these relationships can be healthy, as long as people remain aware of the purpose of this
particular relationship, and take your time with your new partner (note: they can be, and often are,
“transitory, which means short-term).
If we're not paying attention, however, a rebound relationship can be unhealthy.
Potential problems include:
- Expecting the new partner to make up for the shortcomings of the old, for example, "Since my last
partner cheated on me, I expect you to give me 100% reassurance of your loyalty 24 hours a day."
- Commitment hunger, for example, "My last partner dated me for three years without making a
commitment, so I'm expecting an engagement ring within six months or I'm out of here."
- Fear and anxiety that are problematic, for example, "After what my ex did to me, I have to constantly
check to see that you're really there for me, even if that drives you crazy."
- Skyrocket relationship: rebound relationships are often too fast-paced, due to the inner pressure of
"making sure" that this one sticks – or works.
- The biggest risk of a rebound is that it serves its purpose - and then the rebounder moves on, leaving
someone else devastated (this is the transition, or transitory aspect).
Caution: If you're dating someone who's just left another relationship, be very aware know that you may
have an Eastbound Train.
- Don't allow the rebounding person to set the pace, as it will be too fast and may leave you in the dust.
- Take your time, allow the relationship to develop slowly, and take good care of yourself emotionally
(make sure you have a good support system).
A rebound relationship can work out, as long as you and your partner are able to develop a genuinely
loving and trusting bond, and that you maintain good communication each step of the way. A large number
of them, however, do not last beyond a year.
Klaas Tuinman MA
Deerfield, Yarmouth County, Nova Scotia, Canada 2008-17
A Dawn Cove Abbey Support Resource
|Dawn Cove Abbey
Roadside Assistance For Your Journey Through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
From the eBook: "One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman © 2007-2017
Questions and comments welcomed.
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