Do You Have Self-Sabotaging / Self-Defeating Programs?
At the heart of Self-Defeating/Self-Sabotaging behaviours lie unhealthy and self-defeating beliefs. Thoughts, feeling, ideas and Beliefs are the "food" we feed our mind with: and just as the "wrong" food produces ill-health in our bodies, so "wrong", or "negative" or "self-defeating" thoughts and beliefs etc, are toxic to our minds: we are what we "eat", so to speak.
Why you keep doing the same things (that don't work) over and over? Are you always pleasing others or compromising your values? Do you compare yourself with others and find yourself lacking? Are you self-sabotaging yourself with criticisms and negative mind chatter? Do you catch yourself thinking you are not smart or good enough, that you don't deserve good things or it's too hard?
An Introduction to Negative Self-Talk and Programming
Your unconscious mind believes your negative mind chatter. It doesn't know if what you 'think' is good for you or not. It is unable to tell the difference between things that are real, and things that are imagined (worry, and other thoughts). It just accepts that what you 'think' is what you want, and then it creates the results that it 'thinks' you want. So, if you think “I'm not smart”, your unconscious mind believes that, and it creates results that support 'not being smart'.
Many people have similar negative self-sabotaging 'mental programs' running in their minds. These 'mental programs' are limiting beliefs and behaviours they learned, and that developed to help you handle problems during your life. Although their outcomes appear negative, they were created with underlying positive purposes. Most times, the purposes were to keep you safe, protect and care for you in some way. These 'mental programs' can be changed and updated, and keeping the positive purposes. That way you change the behaviours and outcomes to ones that support you, instead of sabotaging you.
Why don't You Change? The most common reasons why you don't change the self-sabotaging 'mental programs' are because: * you don't know what you don't want * you don't know what you do want * you don't know 'how to change' to get what you want (unable to do it on your own) * part of you wants to change and part of you doesn't (inner conflict) * you don't give yourself a chance or time to change * you need to learn (integrate) new skills and behaviours
Your ' Mental Programs' Can Be Changed to Support the Positive Results You Want
Imagine your mind as a computer with many programs running. Some of the 'mental programs' work well, like driving a car, or dressing, and we leave them alone. Some of them cause problems and need to be changed to get the results you want. The key to changing self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviours is to change your 'mental programs'. These are the pictures you see in your mind, thoughts you think, and feelings you feel in your body. These lead to limiting beliefs and behaviours or empowering beliefs and behaviours. They are the internal 'unconscious programs' your brain is running and can be changed. That is a choice you can make; a choice to take ownership.
By changing your 'mental programs' from negative to positive, you empower yourself and change your behaviours. Your brain is like a computer running the programs/apps that make up your beliefs. These programs are made up of the pictures you see in your mind, the thoughts you think and the feelings you feel in your body. By changing the 'poor boundaries program', to 'supportive Healthy Boundaries', you automatically change your behaviour.
The key to making positive change in your life is to change the negative programs your mind is running, or what you see, hear and feel in your mind and body. Imagine your mind is a computer with many programs running. Your thoughts and beliefs control your 'mental programs' through the pictures you see in your mind, the thoughts you think and the feelings you feel in your body. You can change your old 'mental programs' that lead to negative mind chatter, limiting beliefs and behaviours. You can 'update them to positive, supportive mental programs'. By changing these programs to empowering ones, you automatically become more self accepting, and confident.
You don’t have to change everything – only change the ones that are creating the problem for you now. You Can begin the change, right now: here are some suggestions.
Suggestions for change: Avoid inappropriate/disproportionate behaviours by identifying and acknowledging your feelings as they arise: what is really causing the this/these behaviours that underlie them?
Remind yourself that: “Most people are almost happy. They’re so close to being the kinds of people they want to be, living the kinds of lives they want to live, yet they are stuck in a mental rut.” Acknowledge the difficulties of direct introspection and concentrates on “cutting away the clutter” and illuminating behaviours that have become an automatic response mechanism. Suggestions for change are often simple, powerful, and (notionally) easy to implement.
Example: If you react unwisely and unreflectively to trying situations, examine what you can do to prevent such occurrences. E.g., if your car tyres need air, top them up when you notice it, and avoid creating an avoidable drama when they blow in the middle of a journey to an important appointment.
If you rely on extreme reactive behaviour to make you feel powerful, then explore more benign and wiser ways to get the same feeling; e.g, take an advanced driver’s course. If you crave high-stakes, high-drama excitement, then a challenging sport may be a good option, such as adventure excursions, white-water rafting or mountaineering.
Solutions to many issues are essentially simple.
The challenge: Do you know whether you are ready to implement them and be willing to change?
What stops you from having it now? Write down any behaviours, fears or limiting beliefs that block you. (Example: limiting beliefs: feeling unworthy, not deserving, too hard, not smart enough, not good enough, low self confidence). Limiting behaviours: procrastination, too busy, tired, confused, unorganized Limiting fears: fear of rejections, fear of failure, fear of success, any fears Sabotaging Self Talk - beliefs: . . . . .
This topic has commonalities with Anger Management.
Workshops for both are available: see Workshops ______________________________________________ Dawn Cove Abbey Outreach, All rights reserved, 2002-20
_________________________________________ Klaas Tuinman M.A. Life Self-Empowerment Facilitation at Dawn Cove Abbey Comments and Questions are welcomed