"The friend who can be silent with us
    in a moment of despair or confusion,
    who can stay with us in an hour of pain,
    who can tolerate . . .
    not knowing
    not healing,
    not curing . . .
    that is a friend who cares.
    ~Henri Nouwen

            Hey my friend,
            I see your eyes are troubled,
            care to share your time with me?
~Dave Matthews Band

When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me
why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something
to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

All I ask is that you listen.
Don't talk or do
- just
hear me.

Advice is cheap - 20 cents will get you both
Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself;
I am not helpless;
Maybe discouraged and faltering,
but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can
and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact
that I feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
then I can stop trying to convince you
and get about this business of understanding
what's behind this irrational feeling.

And when that's clear, the answers are obvious
and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense
when we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works - sometimes -
for some people,
because God is mute.

And he doesn't give advice
or try to fix things.
God just listens
and lets you work it out
for yourself.

So please listen, and just hear me.
And if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn,
and I will listen to you.

-Please Listen
~Author Unknown
Please Listen: when we talk . . . .
Sometimes being a friend means mastering
the art of timing.

There is a time for silence.  
A time to let go
and allow people to hurl themselves
into their own destiny.  

And a time to prepare
to pick up the pieces
when it's all over.
~Gloria Naylor
If I, if I have been unkind,
I hope that you can just let it go by.
And by all that I have done wrongs
I will make it all up to thee.
~Leonard Cohen

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
    what I want to say,
    what I need to say,
            but what I can't say
                    – and what you seem not to be hearing . . .
Klaas Tuinman MA
at the virtual Dawn Cove Abbey online

"Roadside Assistance" for your Journey through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
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