|A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner:
“Inside of me there are two dogs.
One of the dogs is mean and evil.
The other dog is good.
The mean dog fights the good dog all the time."
When asked which dog wins,
he reflected for a moment and replied,
“The one I feed the most."
~George Bernard Shaw
|You can run, but you can’t hide from yourself; when the night, or the quiet moments come,
the terrors visit and invade your thoughts and dreams - all the stuff we tried not to face. ~Sensei Yoda
How’s your avoidance coping working for you?
Why not consider to no longer run away, and facing your fear, instead?
Please remember that "if you always do what you've always done;
you always get what you always got". Why continue turning to the one strategy
that has proven it doesn't work?
You've had enough of Self-defeating and
You can find the Courage you need, and
You are Never alone . . .
Like the entire site, this page is like a "Never Ending Story" book,
a constant work in process and progress.
Please return often.
|Only the Wounded Heal;
Only the separated reconcile
|Those who want to Heal
will find a way;
those who aren't ready yet,
will find an excuse.
always has an excuse . . .
A winner always
has a program/plan.
A not quite fair assessment in
many cases. It would be
more correct to say that they
always have a "trigger" that
starts them off; and the
power of alcohol keeps
|How can you tell if an alcoholic is lying?
when their lips are moving.
Is true . . . but qualified
Dawn Cove Abbey
Roadside Assistance for your Journey through Life
- Dedicated to helping people return (and maintain) sanity and decency to life -
From, "One! The Journey hOMe", the eBook by Klaas Tuinman MA, © 2007-2017
Comments and Inquiries are welcome
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. . . .V
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. . . . . . . comes
** NOTE: There is no consensus among the professionals who work in, or operate, or work in,
or are sponsors in Recovery Work and Programs, on whether it is a "learned habit", or a
1: AA and the 12-Step programs see alcoholism and addiction as a disease and operate from a type of
socio-medical approach. You can Google "alcoholism" and get many hits on information about AA and
12-Step programs: they have their successes - you might also investigate John Bradshaw's writing on
alcoholism and dysfunction based on the disease model.
Along the same vein, but on a different aspect of addiction/alcoholism: Codependency, you can Google
Melody Beattie for excellent writing on this.
2: A totally different view is offered by the Drinkwise organization's approach - it sees the problem of
alcohol as being one of habit that's gone out of control - and offers a different approach to dealing with it.
You can find more information about this at DRINKWISE Canada, and also at DRINKWISE Australia
Follow/use the navigation menu to explore Alcoholism, it's effects and "why's" further.
Those pages will lead you to others which provide support: through insight, through reading other people's
stories, finding suggestions and descriptions of strategies others have used (and the many successes).
What is Alcoholism? And why do people become addicted to the use of alcohol?
One way to "look at" Alcoholism is that it is "turning to a proven non-solution for a problem, that has never
worked before, and hoping for a new outcome "this time": again, and again, and. . . .
Another way (and perhaps a better one) to answer that is to think of "alcoholism" more accurately and
constructively as a response to something, a situation, an event, a long-buried inner pain, etc, that they are
trying to deal with - or avoid dealing with, because it is painful, or frightening, etc: and FEAR - of
something(s) - it is a coping strategy; one that has gone out of control. It is thus an ineffective,
self-defeating and self-sabotaging strategy; see REASONS. And sometimes people drink to excess in order to
address a deep inner need; one they know they should deal with, and at the same time are afraid of, as well
as Anxiety, and thus choose the "wrong tool for the job" (see below).
From my experience, and all I've learned, this perspective works much better than to see it as a disease, or
disorder, or "weakness".
There often (usually) are causes, situations etc, (direct, or underlying), including Stress that trip the switch to
begin the drinking bout (and many other negative, dysfunctional behaviours). Those things are "triggers". More
about triggers will appear throughout the pages on the site. Problem-solving is good; finding coping strategies
that work is good. Selecting Self-Sabotaging ones is not good. Alcohol is one of those.
To help you to understand the "WHY", Click/Tap "I Drank -REASONS" - on the Navigation menu) to read the
many various reasons people had, or gave themselves, for arriving at this state of control-loss (or perhaps of
"control-relinquishing" or "surrendering").
In this context, an alcoholic therefore, is a person who has unwittingly lost, or given away, control over their
use of a substance - and their lives, whether chronically, or for periodic bouts: a substance that gradually,
cunningly and bafflingly took their self-control away - and now controls them - Alcohol. Read "Amazing Power
Of Alcohol", and "I Am Your Addiction" (see the side menus).
They are not social pariahs, or "losers", or objects of abject pity, but people who have lost their way, either
temporarily, or for longer terms. But it is important to remember, they are consummate liars and manipulators,
as one Toronto outreach worker said, "their only concern is that you help them get that next drink. That is all,
and they'll do whatever it takes".
But do not be disheartened, love, caring and patience DO work - in many, many cases.
And what's really positive about "One Step At A Time", is that you don't have to say "NO" to all alcohol, ever;
only to the next drink (there is a huge positive difference).
NOTE 1: Just looking at the "whys" and the results, doesn't help us ind a solution, and this site's
purpose is to hlp people find solutions toward healing and moving forward - so I suggest we look at
the "reasons" carefully to see what the people who contributed them were "really" looking for, in
order to understand why the alcohol didn't provide the answer or solution (perhaps it did so
temporarily, but given they had to keep trying over and over, it did not do so permanently.
Thus, if we try to determine the "real" reason, we can not only understand why their attempts failed
so miserably, but also, perhaps hlp them find different, constructive one, by getting them to
address the "root problem".
NOTE 2: There is little wholesale agreement on whether Alcoholism is a disease or a habit - see the
note below at the bottom ** (terminology is difficult to choose. The two common ones above
reflect huge differences in understanding human beings). In my opinion, "Disaster" would be a
better choice than "disease", because "alcoholism" is a disaster: and it brings disaster into the lives
of many people, collaterally.
I offer the following with compassion, love, and a genuine desire to be of help.
|Alcoholics become consummate actors and actresses: total inauthentic chameleon-like performers
Alcoholism: Home Page
|A "loser" always has an excuse;
A winner always has a "program/plan".
This site can help you design your own program.
Distance counseling is available: click/tap the icon
to check the information out. > > >
People "drink" for many reasons; one of which is to do "problem solving", as we've seen - see
REASONS for more on this. Because among other things, it is my aim to help people being
successful in that, I can unreservedly say that alcohol is the "wrong tool" for the right job.
The "right job" is to find positive, constructive resolution to "solving the problem" that it was
used for. That is so, because while it was used to provide recovery and healing, it brought
the opposite: more inner turmoil, and more destruction. That is part of the nature of Alcohol.
It is insidiously enigmatic, and thus totally unpredictable as to how it will "mix" with each
person who turns to it. Among its many qualities is that very subtle and powerful ingredient:
Why is it enigmatic, and why "latent"? Because its many different qualities and characteristics
do not manifest in everyone the same way. For some people, those dangerously powerful
qualities barely manifest at all, nor do they manifest the same way to everyone: this is
because the reasons for the drinking are highly individualistic - because for each person
there are two important "ingredients" they bring into it, "set and setting": those are two
extremely important "variables".
As an approach to "problem solving", alcohol is the most ineffective, useless and
counter-productive tool imaginable - because it always leads to the same predictably reliable
repeated outcome: failure to achieve the intended goal, because that is its nature when used
for this purpose.
It is not the person's failure - and this is crucial to understand: it is the tool's failure,
because it's nature -for many people- is totally counter to the desired outcome. It's nature
is to fracture, disintegrate and destroy. Therefore, this is an easy, conclusion to draw from
that predictable lack of success. The repeated use of that chosen tool, so far, has not led to
either resolution, recovery or healing - nor will it: ever! After all, "healing" means "to
become whole" ("whole" is the original root word that "heal" comes from). And when the
tool that is employed brings more disintegration, fracturing and inner destruction as part of
its nature -for many people-; it is absolutely the "wrong tool".
I have tried to avoid making a "judgement" about people; this is a "judgement" on the
action of alcohol IN many people - and the results; NOT a judgement on the people.
The negative behaviours are not in the alcohol - because many others drinking the same
brew do not have the same negative consequences - hence it is a complex mix of the alcohol,
nervous system,chemistry and perhaps emotional state of certain people that is the catalyst
for the destructive behaviour.
For those who want to "heal" and recover, being more familiar with the nature of the tool
they turned too, and its inability to do the job, may help them find other, new and more
constructive ways to achieve the desired outcomes, or goals; of resolution, recovery and
So the most obvious workable conclusion is to consider some other way to find resolution to
the problems - one that leads to new, constructive outcomes - ones that open the way to
recovery and healing. After all, "if what you've been doing has never achieved the desired
outcome, then it is time to do something else: ANYTHING else".
I do not have YOUR answer, nor am I, in any way, making judgements on you, or trying to
TELL you what to do. Dawn Cove Abbey's sole purpose is to help people who want to heal,
find new ways, better than the ones they've used so far, to achieve that. NOT by finding
their solution, but through the use of the many support articles and stories, to help them
find THEIR healing space and steps. As well, workshops and seminars are available, and if
so desired, I can work directly with you as a guide and mentor - but it will always be YOU,
who is in charge of your choices. I cannot (and won't) tell you what to do.
Why is alcoholism considered insidious and subtle?
I think the following hypothetical analogy about a frog in water will help: it is based on a
frogs' ability to adjust its body temperature to its surroundings; it aptly illustrates the
power of subtle change to escape our awareness - do NOT try this at home!.
If you were to put a frog into a pan of boiling water, it will jump out faster than the eye
can see. But if you were to put the frog into a pan of water that is at the frog's body
temperature, and then slowly turn up the heat, the frog will stay in the water -- even to
the point of boiling alive.
This is because the frog would not notice the gradual change in temperature: Alcohol-ism
works the same way: the heat is constantly turned up, but nobody notices - because it's
so gradual: cunning, deceptive, and baffling!
It is a progressive "disaster". Initially, people may start out with casually accepting
unacceptable behavior(s); "Oh, he/she didn't mean that, she/he just had too much to
drink last night". But a few years down the road the behaviour will have slowly grown
more and more intolerable, but it is still being accepted and becomes the "norm."
The question I'm asked most often is "Why don't they just Quit?" or "Why can't I quit, or
find it so hard to quit?"
While there is no quick "one-size-fits-all" answer to those - there are road signs pointing
toward answers (and thus solutions and recovery). For as we saw above, the situation in
most cases is a result of a reaction to something, or "things" - a coping strategy, in which
among others, fear is involved. Thus, to really address this challenge - it is necessary to
deal with the original reasons ("issues", or "triggers") that it was a response to - as well
as the underlying un-named fear. (There is also the fear of detoxing and withdrawal,
which highly unpleasant - and can be very dangerous)
The other "collateral victims" (family members, etc) can begin their recovery whether the
alcoholic is still drinking or not: see Children Of Dysfunction and Codependency, for
But it can't happen until somebody picks up the telephone, or takes some other steps, and
asks for help. There is hope and help out there; including here on this site.
|The "problem" or issue always looks much bigger, and more threatening,
through the bottom of an empty glass, or bottle.
Click icon below
Self-Defeating Behaviours >
Winning vs Losing >
The difference lies in
I can give you a tip into a direction that
works well for many people. Rather than
trying to recover by "only" to just stop
using has proven to not be a good solution.
What has worked, and does work, is to
"create a new life", as in making changes in
your life, and your lifestyle; and addressing
some of the factors and issues that led to
you becoming an "alcoholic".
By making that kind of change, you fortify
your ability to resist turning to alcohol again
the next time the factors that brought you
your addiction show up again (and they
When Life Hurts >