|About Healing: Inner Healing - Emotional, Mental and Spiritual
|Recovery, Healing, Re-Visioning, Re-Purposing, Establishing New Beginnings
Roadside Assistance to assist you in your healing journey
An Overview and Introduction
The "Components" of Healing
Set & Intentional Behaviour & Normal vs
Setting Reactionary Behaviour "Abnormal"
Self-Transcendence "Walls" "Sublimation"
vs Self-Sabotage The Dilemma
Inner Healing is one of the most interesting, yet challenging journeys anyone can ever go on.
There will be "obstacles" and "issues" to be overcome along the way. There will be
"dead-ends" on the path at times, requiring back-tracking, or blazing a brand-new, unknown
one; sometimes there are forks - and decisions are called for, with choices to make.
We are Bio-Electro-Chemical amazing beings. The brain is not the Mind: it is somewhat like
the main data processor on your computer, smartphone and other devices - it is the hardware.
The "mind" is the software that the brain processes. There is a symbiotic relationship between
the chemistry, biology and the electro-magnetic elements. A change in any one of those will
affect all the others - hence the need for an holistic approach to wholeness, which is the actual
meaning of Heal/Healing.
It can be, and often is, an arduous journey; but there's nothing that says it has to be rushed, or
done in a day, or some other specified time. We all have our own speed, and ways, on
walking journeys. For more on this, see the introduction on the Alcoholism main page.
The discussion and information below is not meant to overwhelm or intimidate you; rather, it
is intended to give you an overview of what is involved in the process of inner healing.
Often, knowing the nature of what we're faced with, kind of "whittles it down to size", and
makes the process appear much less intimidating.
Set and Setting
Positive inner healing journeys requires two very crucial things: "Set" and "Setting": they
both play a vital role in healing. The healing process has this in common with other situations
where intense experiences may occur, or which are hoped for. That includes "Peak
- "Set" is our mindset (anticipation, anxiety, excitement etc) as we approach, and go into,
the experience. It is the most important element. For in our mindset we bring all our
attitudes, habitual thoughts, feelings, culture, childhood formation, beliefs, and quite
frequently fear, among others. Our mindset is what creates our anticipation (and/or
trepidation) of what we are about to experience.
- "Setting" is where the experience is going to take place; our social environment and
surroundings: the people we surround ourselves with, and the actual physical place.
The two modes of behaviour
- Intentional: it is intentional because we always have a choice; that however, is true only
where we are in full balanced control, inner harmony of all the dimensions that make us
who we are: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. This is the mode most of us would
like to think we're in most of the time, but frequently, we are not.
- Reactionary: much of our behaviour is a reaction to something; whether to events, or
people, or what people did to us, or incidents etc, or a combination of all of these. This
usually is anything but harmonious and balanced; and almost always does not address the
causes (events, things, persons, circumstances, etc) - hence, this is also what produces
most of human anti-social and/or dysfunctional behaviour.
- And what we come up with in our reaction to survive are coping strategies: alcoholism
is one such strategy, as are the methods used by children of alcoholic/ dysfunctional
families. The "problem" with these is, that almost none of them work: at best they do
so very briefly, before they in turn become new problems for them to deal with.
- NOTE: Connected to these, is that our thoughts, feelings, emotions etc, are the food we
feed our mind, spirit and body with: so any healing journey requires absorbing that, and
examining what it is we feed ourselves with, so to speak. And it is definitely related to
who we "hang out with".
Protecting oneself is both understandable, wise, and important. However, it can be like
people trapped within castle walls; the outsiders can't get in to hurt them, but they can't get
out to do whatever it is they want, or need to do. So the healing journey is largely about
"getting out" in a safe way, while still protecting oneself.
Sometimes, often when we least expect it, we get one of those "Ah-ha" moments, when
we see/get what our next step should/will be: and sometimes we get those as we hear or
read someone else's story; where the light goes on because we have that realization of,
"Hey, that's me to a Tee" . . . and sometimes those are huge moments where we can
make a big step forward: seldom the whole solution, yet a big step. Knowledge, after all,
comes in degrees; bit by bit.
And here you'll read and hear many people's stories; some, or one, or all of them might be
the ones that bring you your "Ah-ha" moment.
The many shades of being and behaviour human beings come in, is at times totally baffling,
sometimes frustrating or bewildering, and sometimes annoying or hurtful. And at other
times people seem to rise above themselves and are caring, joyful and considerate.
- Did you know that the things that really bother us about other people, are actually the
things we dislike or hate most about ourselves; but we turn it outwards, rather than
"Those people" we so dislike are:
- Those who seem blithely or blissfully unaware of the effects their behaviour, words
and actions have on others; or are aware but don't understand the fuss; and there are
those who are totally aware, but couldn't care less. These are the "other people".
So now we have an interesting situation, for:
- On the opposite side of that, are those who are on the receiving end of the above,
desperately wondering how anyone could be so unaware; or what is even more
hurtful - knowing that the other is aware but appears to have actually chosen to be
(or stay) that way. And that some actually don't care; yet wanting to understand it, or
discover what they can do about it, or not. These are "us".
Perhaps equally importantly, you will realize that in order to achieve what you're looking
for, you will have to look at yourself through "other eyes": meaning to take a look at how
others might see you - and get the realization of why they react to you, the way they do. If
we all did that, and acted on our discovery (or discoveries) the "world" would change
Untangling it is not easy: there are "Issues", "Challenges", "Syndromes", "Disorders" and
all sorts of other names and labels attempting to make some sort of order into that seeming
chaos - that leave us more puzzled and confused than we already were.
More importantly, ALL of us, have been, or are, both these people at one time or another:
actually, we are so most of the time. So it very much comes down to what St Francis of
Assisi said, "What you are looking for is what is looking." Which in contemporary times
is phrased slightly differently; "The one you are looking for is the one who is looking."
Because, until we truly know ourselves, we cannot expect to understand others.
I do not have "THE" answer(s) for you, but I can help YOU find the answer(s) you need.
(The answer(s) are already inside you - you'll rediscover them on your healing journey,
here and elsewhere).
My intention, purpose, and hope is to be helpfully informative, and thought-provoking, but
never persuasive or judgemental. I have nothing to sell: I simply provide "Roadside
Assistance", so to speak, for Healing and Recovery in a Shaming-Blaming culture that is
often very much Fear-Based: a Culture of Dysfunction - but not as widespread as it may
seem, or feel. But you'll find many encouraging examples of many, many exceptions to it,
You will rediscover an essential truth as you browse the site:
- that People (Others and YOU) are not their "Label", their "Disorder", "Complex",
"Syndrome", or their "Disease", and etc.
The Help and Information here are not "Psychological", "Philosophical", nor
"Theological": rather it is acquired from the wisdom garnered by humans over the ages -
and added-to by former clients, students - and through observing people in many places and
situations during a long time-frame; as well of course, through "formal" and self-directed
study. They are based on Life in all its wondrous vastness, intricacies and "mysteries".
"Everything in your life is there as a vehicle for your transformation.
"We're all walking each other home".
Every Journey begins with a single step.
Yours too; your First step . . .
No one can walk with you till you take that first step, beautiful person.
We live at a time where the prevailing "wisdom" and practice is to look for (and offer)
instant solutions and "quick-fixes" to "heal" ourselves. And oh my, if only it was that simple
- if only they worked. No doubt you've tried some in your journey of healing and/or
understanding. The "reality" is, those are at best "symptom alleviators" - they only address
the symptoms, not the reasons and causes behind those symptoms.
You see, "recovery" and healing is a process: one that requires your active participation:
you need to be engaged in it - or it simply will not have the outcomes you desire. To truly
heal (it means to "become whole"), it is necessary to get to the root of whatever is
involved and deal with that. And it takes "Time": knowledge does come in degrees.
To assist you in the process, I have provided articles and stories that are in a sense, walks
on both the light side of life - walks to perhaps trigger those "ah-ha" moments, and insights,
and possible solutions.
- It also looks at challenges, issues, conditions and problems people experience: the
so-called "disorders, "syndromes", "disease", "mental problems", and
"Complexes" etc. I dislike Labels intensely, because it's a form of "stereo-typing"
and thus they "stigmatize" the person, so I only use them in quotations marks to help
orient you as to what it is we're talking about.
- Many of them are simply reactions to life, experiences and circumstances, and the
coping mechanisms, people use: not the labels that others have assigned to them. I
prefer to think of it as manifestations of the tremendously malleable spectrum of
human behavioural diversity. Both culture and individual uniqueness are agents in it.
You will find no "baffle-gab" or "psycho-babble", of any kind on this site (unless in
quotations marks). Just straight, upfront talk.
By far, the majority of articles and essays etc, on the site are walks on the bright side of
life, but there are articles and stories about the dark side, too.
It's only by facing or confronting the dark, that we have the hope of discovering the path
to theLight side, and thus experience our awakening, so that we can make a new beginning -
the recovery and healing that directs, or returns us to the light: to the bright side of life. There
are many, many more bright side walks here, than dark, negative ones.
Now, another interesting thing:
- we are all normal, for when we are being "ourselves", doing and saying the things
we usually, or always do, and think as we always do, we are being our "normal"
self. At the same time we are all dysfunctional, meaning that not everything in our
lives always works for us, or for others around us (to whatever degree). This is our
personal micro "culture".
- we are all also "children" - Adult Children: within whom lives that little "inner
child" - the one who was unable to grow and form in a healthy, functional manner,
and who feels locked-up and afraid. That is whom the recovery and healing process
needs to reach - that's who needs to be healed, and to have balance - so that those who
have been wounded, can also heal.
When machinery, appliances or electronic devices aren't working, not working well, or not
working as they are "supposed to", we say they aren't functioning properly: or that they
are "Dysfunctional". And we get them repaired, or replaced. That works well with machinery
Human lives also do not always go well, however, or not as well as they could, or not
working as they are "supposed to" as well. But we are not mechanical or electronic
entities, and are thus faced with using a different approach to "repair", fix, or change what
isn't working - for us.
IF we were only Biological, Neurological, Chemical (Bio-Neuro-Chemological)
beings then we could treat our "dys-functioning or "malfunctioning"" aspects, challenges,
issues, etc, in the same manner as we do the malfunctioning devices and machines in our
lives. If only it were that simple.
Instead of being Bio-Neuro-Chemological beings only, we are far more complex than just
that, for we have an added dimension, or dimensions. We are complex beings having an
intricate interplay of Mind, Body, Spirit - which presents us with a totally different situation,
requiring totally different means and approaches to dealing with, or harmonizing, the
interplay, so that our lives will function better.
- We are Spiritual beings having a Human experience: which is what makes the big
difference. We are constantly both Human and Spiritual; simultaneously - all the time.
So the using the Neuro-Biochemical approach only, does not, and will not work. To
continue that approach, believing that that's all it is, is equivalent to saying that your
stereo or computer, or phone "made" the music that you listen to, for example. Not so.
However, this is where I end that analogy.
Many of the things that aren't going well, or aren't working for us at all, are reactions to
situations, circumstances, experiences, and events, etc. - and not Bio-Neuro-Chemical in
origin. And these reactions have emotional and spiritual consequences that impinge on
our bodies (thus, our overall physical health) we could call it dis-ease, uneasiness,
disharmony, out of balance . . .
Because of the intricate, complex interplay between Body-Mind-Spirit, it is not always
clear whether certain challenges, issues, (disorders) are "causes", or consequences. Which
is why regaining balance, harmony, health and serenity within ourselves is a challenging,
and often frustrating journey, or process.
This Body-Mind-Spirit is a total, integrated entity: and it is connected to everything else,
and everything else is connected to it: all the time, simultaneously. It's like an infinitely
gigantic matrix, or as Chief Seattle called it: the web of life. And he rightly said that,
"whatever happens on the web, anywhere; happens to everything else on it;
everywhere, always", (paraphrased).
So it's not a case of any of us just being receivers or recipients: we are also givers and
senders. But in the hum and drum, the ups and downs of life, many of us lose our
awareness of that interconnectedness, and our sense of integration, and instead become
disoriented, disconnected and enter a dissociative state (dissociative: a good word that
psychology stole and used as a label).
And because of that interconnectedness, and integrated wholeness, it impinges on, and
becomes part of, our healing and reconnection process.
Yes, sometimes it requires medication: but herbal, natural substances will in many cases
provide exactly what it is needed - rather than pharma-chemical intervention. That is not
to say they don't have their place - but not on the scale that they are currently employed as
the end-all and be-all. Without re-establishing our integrated selves, and then reconnect
with the larger integrated web, we cannot hope to fully recover, or heal.
This site provides resources that are helpful to people on healing and recovery journeys.
There are many examples (pages) of Healthy, balanced and well-functioning life styles.
At the same time, it explores, and provides examples of, the consequences of Dysfunction
on people (and children).
You will find the Topics and links to some of the various resources, below.
This is my eBook:
"One! The Journey hOMe", by Klaas Tuinman MA © 2007-2017
It is not for sale; it is Free.
It's my way of Paying It Forward.
It is an ongoing work in progress.
Roadside Assistance for your Journey through Life
Hello, I'm Klaas, also known as Opa. How may I be of
service to you?
Where do I come in, on your journey? Simply put, mine is
a quite minor role, compared to yours. I provide the
"space" -a safe, comfortable place- for you to engage in
creating your own healing "space" - this is a rest stop along
the way; and there are also resources and support of many
kinds for you to draw upon.
And I'm here, as a fellow traveller, one who has walked
many trails. I am not a "counsellor" in the common usage
of that word. I am not you - I do not know the answer to
what you need. But perhaps I can help you find it.
My role is to provide with new tools (the information and
support items on the site), and to listen, and perhaps
suggest some things for you consider; perhaps ask that if
what you've been doing isn't working for you, to try
something else; something "new".
I cannot, and will not, TELL you what to do - I am not
you, but . . .
We can brainstorm about it, together; if you so desire.
And I can accompany you for a bit, on the trail - or
perhaps walk alongside on the entire journey. Once again,
that is YOUR choice to make - not mine.
One of my main roles in these journeys people are on,
besides providing them with new tools and insights
provided by the articles and information, is that of Guide -
I am familiar with much of the terrain and can help avoid
pitfalls, and perhaps suggest new options. More about my
approach, you can find it in the introduction of the
"Alcoholism" Main page, and on the Home page.
Comments and Questions are welcomed